Should I commit to a man? Or to my job?
Marriage, Dating, Relationships, Love, Single, Tips & Advice, My career, Commitment
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In the early stages of a young adult’s life, a person will commit to relationships without having the big picture in mind. They’ll take chances on numerous relationships not because they see this person as marriage potential, but more so because they “like” the person that he/she portrays themselves to be and want to experience more of them, and/or because they are desperate for companionship and simply don’t want to be alone. There are rules to relationships, and proven studies show that having standards and setting requirements will in fact make a woman more desirable to a man who is looking for a serious relationship. When you have a woman who is at this place in her life, and you match her with a man who is mature enough to appreciate a woman of this caliber, it’s a match made in heaven, and the potential to grow with one another is far greater than anything that comes easy.
The men who want sex fast & easy will look at your standards and requirements as a turn off, or accuse you of being extremely picky, etc. If this happens, that means your plan is working like a charm. You’re weeding out the men who are not interested in having a serious committed relationship, while allowing yourself to still be open and available to the men who are. The men who are looking to settle down and be in a serious monogamous relationship are the ones you should be marketing to. Being single is what you do when you’re trying to find/establish yourself, and/or you haven’t yet found someone who’s met your standards/requirements. There are millions of men in this world, and you only need “one”. Your days of being single will come to an end when that one man sees the value in being with a woman who knows her worth, is exclusive, and has the potential to add value to his life.
If you are focused on your goals, stay focused on your goals, as a relationship will bring you closer to him, and take you further and further away from your goals. Once you feel you are ready to get back on the dating scene, put yourself out there where your type of man can find you. Date multiple men at one time so that you don’t find yourself settling on just “one” option. By dating multiple men, you expose yourself to individuals who may have similar credentials, but are distinguished by their personality, morals, values, and principles that they live by. Keep your options open and settle on the one who adds the most value to your life.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
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Cheating, Dating, Lies, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Tips & Advice
When a person “locks” something, that means that that something has value (to them) and is worth protecting from everyone else. While single, a person will independently hold the key(s) to any and all locks, even the key to their heart. Once they decide to commit themselves in a relationship, they are then making a conscious decision to “share” their world. At this point, the doors of their hearts and everywhere else “should be” wide open… making them completely vulnerable to you. By them opening the doors “themselves” (without them being forced open), there’s no need for keys, because their actions insist that they have nothing to hide.
These doors are doors of “trust”… doors of “vulnerability” and in a relationship, they should never be locked. The purpose behind opening these doors isn’t to give your significant other access to and power over your personal/private life. When doors aren’t locked, and access is permitted, you are letting your partner know that if they choose to… they are “welcome” to walk in and out of doors on their own (as they please/when they please). By you readily and willingly opening the doors of your heart and everywhere else, your significant other will then feel a sense of trust/comfort. If you do so on your own accord, and your partner is true to the relationship, they will have no desire (at all) to look for anything hidden.
By denying your significant other access to certain things, you blatantly express to them that a) You are not willing to share everything with your partner b) Whatever it is you are protecting is more important than your significant other’s comfort and trust in you. c) Both A & B. If your significant other refuses to open any doors to their world, then you simply close the door on them.
There are exceptions to this rule: (i.e. If you have a lock on your phone for the sake of denying your children access, and you give your partner the code, this is equivalent to not having a lock on your phone at all and can be excused.)
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Men and women handle issues differently in relationships, and it’s O-K…
Men are built differently than women and over the years we’ve grown accustomed to handling things much more well… “differently”. Granted there are instances where a man simply does not care, and in that situation, you have to ask yourself “What am I doing in a relationship with a man who doesn’t care about me or my feelings?” It’s ok for men and woman to be different, that’s what makes being together all the more special! You share your differences and introduce one another to different perspectives on life. One of the best ways to grow is from learning.
If you’re getting information that you’ve already learned from a source, you’re not learning anything new from that source, thus stunting your own growth with that source. On the other hand, if you associate yourself with someone who has a mind of their own, different opinions, different outlooks, different perspectives, you open yourself up to new enlightenment, and new ideas. What you do with the information is up to you, but you’ll at least have more to work with than what you yourself have brought to the table. So different ways of handling things, different ideas, different perspectives are great for growth.
This is why guys can’t hang out with guys all the time. And girls can’t hang out with girls all the time. Over time, you will inevitably want to be exposed to something “different”. And it’s great to have that balance in your life, because too much of one thing is never a good thing. When men are faced with problems, the first priority is to “fix it”. Dwelling on the issue is not something men like to do. A man wants and needs “peace” in the household, so when there’s turmoil, he does what he needs to do and says what he needs to say so that there can be peace amongst the two of you as quickly and effectively as possible.
Once the problem is fixed, it no longer matters (to him) how it happened. You can’t change the past, but you can look forward to the future. The end justifies the means. Men care more about fixing the problem, than the actual problem, whereas a woman needs to express her thoughts and feelings on the problem itself. With women, talking about the problem itself could last for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years, but as mentioned earlier, men want and need “peace” in the household, so he doesn’t want to go another “minute” without fixing whatever the problem is. This is the man who actually wants to be with you and continue to have a long lasting relationship with you.
The man who does nothing to immediately fix the problem or doesn’t want to address/runs from the problem is the one who doesn’t care. Cut your losses and get rid of him ;)
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“Men can dish it, but can’t handle being cheated on…”
“Cheating” (once discovered) is a topic that should be discussed as you “exit” that relationship. It’s an act of dishonesty and lack of respect for the relationship. A potentially successful relationship has to have a strong foundation. I have what I like to call The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (According to AskCheyB) These 7 habits are Respect, Love, Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Support, and Communication. If you’re missing any one of these 7 habits, your relationship will be short lived.
If a man or a woman in a relationship cheats, it’s then time to terminate the “contract” officially, as they have already made a decision to terminate the relationship when they cheated. This person has exhibited behavior that is not acceptable, and now that you’ve concluded that your partner is not loyal/trustworthy, and does not respect himself, you, or the relationship, there is no sense in putting forth more of your time, energy, and effort into this person because he/she has already decided what is a priority to them. And that priority is “themselves”.
One of the biggest issues we face when we’re “in love” is, we forgive our partners when their words say “I love you”, but their actions show the opposite. You have to have the fortitude to let that person go when they breech the contract and not give them an opportunity to negotiate.
Men expect a woman to “get over it” because for most if not all of their lives, they themselves have been the abusers, and have no idea what it feels like to have a broken heart. So they seek pity when a woman beats him at his own game. When it’s him doing the dirt, he could care less what condition her heart is in because he’s too busy thinking about himself. If he’s cheating on you, you are officially crowned his “convenience”. You are not the love of his life! And when you’re a man’s convenience, he cares about “the convenience”, and not “you”. So ladies know what position you play in a man’s life.
“Winners” hearts are “destroyed” when they lose. If you’re dealing with a man who doesn’t do right by you… have no pity. Him being destroyed is his Karma.
After you’ve established yourself as a cheater, you have to remove yourself from that situation because if you stay, your partner will inevitably seek revenge or never whole-heartedly forgive you for being unfaithful. The both of you will constantly be at battle trying to hurt one another. Learn from this experience and work on being the best person you can be so that you can attract the best person. The next time around, stay true to yourself, and your partner.
Tip: Only if you are married or have a child with a partner who has cheated would I recommend fighting for the relationship. For all other instances, enjoy the memories, learn from this experience, and move onto bigger and better things. There are millions of men and women in this world. You only need “one”.
Good luck
Life & Relationship Coach
AskCheyB
You’re a lady. Let the man should ask “you” out. Not the other way around…
It’s definitely a great idea to have multiple available options when you’re dating. A woman asking a man out on a date though has it’s pros and cons. A pro would be that a man will more than likely say “yes” if you asked him out on a date. A con would be that although he said “yes” and entertained you on a date, he will not value you enough to take you seriously long-term, no matter how well the date went. The reason for this is his motivation to take you out on a date was not inspired by his own genuine interest. In other words, “You were too easy”.
When a man asks a woman out however, he’s already established that he’s interested and that she’s worth spending time, energy, and money on. He also has a budget laid out just for their special evening out. If/when a woman asks the man out, she puts him in a compromising position… sort of obligating him to spend time, energy, and money on her. There are certain things that will prevent a man from asking a woman out, so if/when a man is finally ready to entertain a woman on the dating scene, it has to be on his terms.
A few of those reasons are:
*He’s not emotionally available
*He’s currently involved with someone
*He can’t afford to take you out
*He doesn’t feel you are worth taking out
*He’s only interested in sex (with you)
When you allow a man to take the initiative and ask you out, you put yourself in a better position to measure his level of interest in you and also test his character. When it’s “his” idea, he then becomes obligated to plan the entire night out (i.e. researching and choosing a place for yall to go based on everything you’ve told him about yourself, he’ll be more than happy to spend money on your date because he’ll be the one choosing a place that fits within his budget, and by showing this initiative, it becomes evident that he feels your worth it, and that he values you for more than just sex, and by him putting forth all this time, energy, and effort, he had better be single, otherwise once the truth comes to light, he’ll have wasted his time, energy, effort, and money, not to mention he’ll have lost your trust.
The purpose of dating is to have fun with individuals you might be potentially interested in growing with. Although it may still be “fun” to go out on a date with a man you’ve just thrown yourself at, it probably won’t bring you any closer to finding the man you’d be able to grow with do to the average male’s psychological conditioning. A more effective approach would be to signal the guy you’re interested in by giving him “The Look” and then allowing “him” to take full initiative.
By taking this approach, you know for sure whether or not he’s interested in you. If he’s not interested, he won’t approach. If he’s shy and timid, he won’t approach. But if he’s confident, has high esteem, and is emotionally available, he will approach. <<< And that’s the guy you want. Shy and timid won’t come in handy later on down the line when you’re faced with real life issues and you need a real man to step in and take charge so don’t pity him. After approaching you, exchanging info, etc he will figure out what he needs to do next if he wants to see you again. Meanwhile, you’re sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying being a woman while the man does all the vigorous work.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“20 Steps To Building A Long Lasting Relationship With The Man You Want”
Step 1: Self-evaluation, how do you feel about the person you are inside and out? You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
Step 2: Presentation, always present yourself as the person you want people to know and remember you as. Men evaluate you 1st based on sight.
Step 3: The Introduction, remember you’re a lady. Maintain control. Just give him “the look” & he will come right over & initiate convo.
Step 4: Friendship, there will be plenty of time for sex, but if you want a future with this person, 1st find out if you even “like him”.
Step 5: Dating, date multiple people at one time, keep your options open. This way you won’t find yourself settling for that 1 mediocre guy
Step 6: Sex, friendship doesn’t come with benefits. Benefits come with a commitment. If he wants sex, your relationship has to be exclusive
Step 7: Commitment, you’ve dated, you’ve bonded, you have a great friendship & you want to spend more time w/one another. Make it official
Step 8: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to AskCheyB) Respect,Love,Trust,Support,Loyalty,Honesty & Communication
Step 9: Consistency, everything you brought to the table in the beginning must not only remain, but also get better. Never stop competing.
Step 10: Share your world,introduce your partner to any/everyone who is important in your life.This shows him that you want him to be in it.
Step 11: Space, allow each other just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Give yourselves opportunity to miss one another.
Step 12: Growth, if you want to grow as a couple, it’s important that you do things “as a couple”. Not all the time, but most of the time.
#Step 13: Secrets, if you can’t be open and honest with your partner, you are not ready for a relationship. Stay single until you are.
#Step 14: Male friends, straight males are not your friends.They are interested in sex & they pose a threat. To keep peace, dismiss them all.
Step 15: Single friends, you’re in a relationship now. Your friends will invite you out to share their world. Invite them in to share yours.
Step 16: Engagement, A man knows from the very beginning whether he wants to marry you or not. Expect a proposal “no later” than year 2.
Step 17: Make wedding Plans! Work together to plan a wedding within a years time. Involve both parties family & friends
Step 18: The wedding! After 3-4 yrs of following the rules of relationships,you allow yourself time to be sure about marriage w/this person
Step 19: Move in together, this is where you’ll learn “new” things about your partner that you weren’t exposed to during the relationship.
Step 20: Relationship Turmoil, Remember all the steps you took to get to where you are, and know that your marriage is worth fighting for.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past
Finding someone who’s pure and untouched in this day and age is possible, but rare. On average, we expect our significant other to have some kind of history, but even still we don’t want to knowingly be associated with the men from your past no matter how long ago it was. One of the aspects that go into choosing a girlfriend or wife is the idea of being with someone who is “exclusive” (meaning none of the men we know have had you or can have you). There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest.
There are millions of women in the world, and the last thing a man would want to do is settle on a woman who one of his close friends has the drop on. He wants his friends to have respect for the woman he’s with, and he also wants the assurance of knowing that any men who are in his circle of friends has never had the privilege of seeing his woman naked. Yes, it’s a matter of pride! After all, you do want to be proud of the woman you’re with.
Models, strippers, and porn stars for example will have a hard time finding true love because all of the men in the world have already been exposed to their bodies and there’s no sense of exclusivity (in the eyes of the man who’s in pursuit of a serious relationship with them). The men who entertain models, strippers, and porn stars will either exploit them further (like a pimp), or they’ll drive themselves crazy trying to turn a woman who makes a living off of exploiting herself into a woman who gets her attention primarily from him. And if he doesn’t drive himself crazy, he’ll drive “you” crazy with his overprotection, jealousy, and insecurity due to the nature of your career choice.
A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself. Most men associate closely with other men who reflect who “they” are as a person, so naturally, they’ll have similar taste in women, and similar ways that they treat women. Knowing that you’ve entertained his friend is enough detail for him to imagine the type of relationship the two of you might’ve had. Once he gets wind of you two being intimate, these thoughts will constantly be in the forefront of his mind and he won’t be able to get over it.
It’s easy for a man to choose a woman to sleep with, all he has to do is look for the woman who matches his physical taste. When it comes to choosing a girlfriend or a wife however, he looks for a woman with his heart opened and his eyes closed. This means that your personality & your character are on the forefront and your physical beauty becomes an added bonus. It’s up to you as a responsible adult to make the judgment call, since you are the one who’s aware of these two men being friends with each other. He will evaluate you and your character based on the way you handle it.
If you honestly and truly want to be in a happy, loving, long lasting relationship, you will choose another man. There are too many negatives to consider with this particular guy, and frankly it’s not worth the trouble. It’s only been one date, you’re not yet too emotionally attached, there’s no kids involved, and the two of you are not married, so walk away while you can and explore other more promising options.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Although birth and sex are typically a woman’s most valued treasures, a woman’s mind is the most invaluable possession a woman has. Her ability to use her mind to maintain control over men and situations are simply amazing, but only if/when she realizes the gift that she has, and uses it to remain in control. You have more to fear from dealing with a man who wants access to your mind than with your body. A man who wants access to your body is clearly seeking physical pleasure. A man who wants access to your mind is after more! How much more is totally ambiguous.
Even if a man doesn’t value your body for what it’s truly worth, then as a woman “you” should. A man can’t get inside of you unless you let him, so if you’re going to allow a man to come into your personal space and be intimate with you, then it should be with a man you love, trust, and respect and who reciprocates these same things. When you involve yourself with a man who loves you, you trust him, and he respects you, you won’t have to worry about him abandoning you when things don’t go perfectly, because if he loves & respects you, it’s evident that it’s not in his character to do so.
You also won’t have to worry about the sex being bad, because the sex you have “together” will be based on the things you’ve grown to like “with each other”. It’s “exclusive” and incomparable to any other experience. You’ll love the way he kisses you, the way he touches you, the way he makes love to you, and you’ll have an appreciation for the way “he” romances you. And if there’s anything that you don’t like about the sexual experience you’re having together, you can talk to each other about it and challenge one another to make your sexual experience with one another better.
This is the consideration that one has for the person they love, trust, and respect. Love, trust, and respect isn’t developed over night and it’s not handed out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Trust and respect is earned and when it is earned, love is given! And just as trust, and respect is earned, the privilege of having sex with you should be earned as well. If you don’t set any standards or make any requirements for a man to meet prior to having sex with you, a man will sleep with you and totally disregard you and your feelings because whether you realize it or not, he has lost all respect for you. He’s already reached the ultimate form of pleasure with you and has no reason to return unless he wants more sex with no strings.
Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies. When you give your body to a man who hasn’t earned that privilege, you leave behind a legacy of being someone whose fast, easy, and doesn’t respect herself. As a woman, you should never want to be remembered by anybody in this world in that light. You have a future ahead of you and you don’t want your past to come back and haunt you. Always carry yourself with dignity and respect, place value on your body and only give yourself to a man who is deserving of it.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
A person cheats because it’s in their heart to do so. Cheating begins in your heart, not in your pants. The heart of a cheater is formed by a multitude of things that go far beyond any one person’s reach. It’s deep rooted inside of them way back from early childhood. If/when a man stops cheating, it will be because he is tired of doing what he’s always been doing and getting what he’s always got. He is now learned from his experience, and has grown/matured into a man who is ready to either be single, or commit himself to a serious monogamous relationship.
If it’s in a person’s heart to cheat, then it’s totally out of your hands. There is nothing you can do to make a cheater start or stop cheating. Cheating is an act of personal choice and is embedded in a person’s character based on their upbringing, their male influences, and the morals, values, and principles they live by. If you sense signs of your significant other being a cheater, remove yourself from that relationship. By leaving, you make him aware that you’re aware of his lifestyle and that you are not going to tolerate it. He will realize what he’s lost and either continue to play the field as a single bachelor, try and play the next woman with his games, or grow up and act like a responsible adult for the next woman he encounters. But “you” be sure not to give him any second chances.
If after seeing signs of your significant other’s infidelity from a recent relationship or through you, you still entertain him, you are asking for a double dose of heartache and pain. When a person shows you who they are, believe them! Do not hope to find something in them other than the person they’ve already shown you up front. That is a fool’s game.
You may be a wonderful woman with great qualities, but those great qualities that you possess are only enough to make a cheater “entertain” you. It won’t be enough to make him “not” entertain other women. By you being the best woman you can be for this man, you will only slow his cheating down, but that won’t eliminate his urges to cheat completely. Being monogamous is a decision he has to come to on his own because once those urges come back up, you will find yourself falling victim to the very things he showed you he was capable of doing.
The only defense to this is knowing where his heart is, what principles he lives by, and what morals and values he has (if any). Get to know your partner, dig deep into his past, talk to him about his past relationships, his relationship with his parents, friends, and male influences. The for information you have about him, the better you can protect yourself.
Yes! Never allow your man to get too comfortable or to get set in a routine. Keep him on his toes for LIFE, but stay true! He’ll be so concerned with “your” next move, that he won’t be as interested or able to focus on making moves of his own (w/ another woman). Instead, he’ll dedicate his life trying to conquer you. He’ll be under your spell.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Naturally, you are free to do whatever it is you want to do. But… there will be two totally different outcomes if you a) Approach a man you’re interested in or b) Be patient and wait for the man you’re interested in to come to you.
Men are HUNTERS!!! They like to chase, they like to conquer, and they like to be “challenged”. It’s actually FUN for him to build up the courage to go and speak to a woman in intimidating situations; not knowing whether or not he has a chance. It’s fun being turned down because (for him) this is all a game and it’s a “learning” experience. He will not be heart broken because he got turned down. He will be disappointed (at most), but he will live, and he will use his brain to evaluate what just happened, and then challenge “himself” to figure out a better way to approach you the next time, or to approach a different woman from a different angle. Whether or not he is successful in his approach with a woman, he still needs to be the aggressor & the initiator in order for it to be fun/interesting/exciting (for him).
When the man is approaching the woman, he’s not yet sure how interested you are in him (if you’re even interested at all). And that is the exciting part!!! That is the intriguing part!!! The “mystery”!!! <<< This is what’s going to motivate him to try and figure you out and get to know you better… the fact that your feelings towards him are partially ambiguous. <<<< Partially ambiguous by no means insists that the woman is “not interested”. All you’re doing (as the woman) is downplaying your interest in him so that he’ll be motivated to go harder to bring that interest out of you.
If/when you’re in the mood to start dating, you should have multiple options, so when a man approaches you, your energy should naturally portray that “this” (men approaching you) is something that you’re used to. So no matter how interested you are in that man, try not to give off this “I’m super interested” vibe. You can tell your girlfriends just how super interested you are in him as soon as he leaves or walks away. But don’t let the guy who’s approaching you know (through your energy) that you are ready/willing/available/too interested in him because once he knows for sure, he will take you for granted.
You’ve got to keep this new stranger on his toes and wondering “Is she interested? Is she not interested? I can’t tell, but I certainly want to talk to her more and find out.” In fact, this is something you should do throughout your entire relationship/marriage. Keep things somewhat “ambiguous”. But with your ambiguity, keep things “honest”. Once you get into a routine, you get bored! Once you get bored, you look for excitement! <<< Sometimes people look for excitement from their partner… and others (unfortunately) outsource :/ So keep things somewhat ambiguous in your relationship and try not to get set in a routine.
Example: You know you want to have sex with your husband… but instead you roll over, close your eyes, and pretend you’re sleeping. He then is motivated to try and take on the challenge of waking you up for sex. In his mind… you’re sleeping. In your mind, you’re challenging him to be the aggressor!! This is equivalent to a woman giving a man “The look” (so to speak) so that he will be the aggressor, take charge, and go in for the kill. He gets the sex he was longing for. And you get the sex you were longing for (that he didn’t know you were longing for). And all you had to do was lay there. <<< See how this works?
Here we talk about “The look”:
Women are the most powerful creatures on this earth, and it’s important that you understand the power you possess, and use your powers to make the world revolve around you. Back in the olden days, a woman would simply drop her handkerchief to the floor and the men would rush to her side for the opportunity to pick it up and whoo her. Times have changed, but those same principles still apply. Leave approaching men to the impatient and the desperate.
If you’re interested in a man, all you have to do is give him “the look”. “The look” is your way of letting him no that you’re approachable and potentially interested in him. The look isn’t a direct approach, it’s simply a signal to get his attention. After you have his attention, “he” needs to come over to “you”, introduce himself, and find out what that look was about. If he doesn’t take the bait… meaning he doesn’t make a move when you give him “the look”, then that means there is something stopping him from making a move. Don’t lose hope yet! There could be a multitude of reasons why he didn’t approach you at that moment.
Here are a few examples of why a man might not approach you (even if you give him the look): He could be married or in a relationship, someone he knows who also knows his significant other could be present, he could be involved with someone or he escorted someone who is actually there at the venue (just not currently by his side and he doesn’t want to be rude), he could be shy and is not used to approaching women, he could be gay, or at worst, he could simply not be interested in you! No matter what his reasoning for not approaching you is, you have to accept the fact that he did not choose to entertain you… and you have to learn how to take a loss!
You might see him again at another event and he might be single… he might come alone… he might not want to miss another opportunity to approach you. So if/when you see him again, you give him that same “look”. By giving him that look (again) it will seem a little bit more evident that you at least want him to come over and talk to you (if nothing else).
If during the first encounter you are so impatient that you can’t stand the fact of this guy not making a move and you decide to make a move first, here is what’s going to happen. First, If he’s not interested in you, you run the risk of embarrassing yourself in front of this man that you really like because for one… you’re a woman approaching a man (which is foreign to him), and two, he’s not interested in you!!! What’s worst is you’ll still have to be in his presence until you decide to leave the venue (which will be very awkward for you). SPARE yourself!!!! By approaching a man, you eliminate any and all ambiguity! Now it’s crystal clear (for him) that you are in fact interested in him.
He no longer has to hunt because his prey came right to him!!! The fun is gone! The chase is over! The game is over!!! So now, he’s got you right where he wants you. He knows that “you” are interested/ready/available whenever he calls, so “you” are that one girl he doesn’t have to put forth much time/energy/effort with. He can just call you when he’s bored or when all of his more difficult options fell through because he knows that you’re interested in him. He knows you will be there just waiting for him to reach out to you. Just watch him after you’re done approaching him. He’s going to be sweeping the crowd looking for a “challenge” (because you certainly are not it).
When you approach a man that you’re romantically interested in, that shows him that you want to be the leader, and that you want to be in control. But a man wants to be in a relationship with a woman where “he” can be the leader and “he” can be in control, so you’re immediately disqualifying yourself from being considered as a candidate for a relationship with that particular guy. Being approached by a woman is only flattering to the guy who doesn’t have many options. A man who has a lot going for himself on the inside and out is used to dealing with quality women, and he’s aware that quality women don’t come easy, so if you’ve come easy, he’s going to immediately think that there’s something a little bit off about you.
Do not for one second think that because you are drop dead gorgeous that this man will be impressed by “you” approaching “him”. No No No No No!!!! You approaching him does nothing but boost his male ego. You approaching him is gonna have him thinking, “DAMN!!! I’m THAT fly????? WOW!!!!” And he’s also going to think that you are desperate… impatient… lonely… and are dying to get a man in your life. <<< With these thoughts in mind, you will be the very last person he will consider for a relationship. At most, he will only consider you for friendship with benefits… All because of the way you presented yourself.
Celebrities call women who approach them “groupies”! And for the average male, a woman approaching him will have that same effect. You will be the equivalent of a groupie! And he will not respect you!
Then there’s another type of guy. The nerd, the geek, the older gentlemen, the jobless man, the one with no swag, the one with no goals/aspirations, the one who has absolutely nothing going for himself. <<< Oh he would LOVE to be approached by a woman. But guess what??? <<<< That’s not the man you want and you know it! So if you want a man who actually has the job, the swag, the looks, the character, the intellect, etc that you want/like… work on giving him “the look” and do not go for the kill by approaching him. He will write you off like it’s tax season.
Enjoy being a woman!!! Men live for this!!! You by no means have to be the aggressor. All you have to do is give a guy “the look”. Sit back… relax… and let the men come to you. You approaching a man is nothing more than you not having confidence in yourself, you not being patient, and you not being willing to take a loss. <<< These are things you need to work on within yourself!
Life & Relationship Coach
marți, 6 decembrie 2011
**** GANDURI - RANDURI ****
One of the greatest mental freedoms is truly not caring what anyone else thinks of you.
**** GANDURI - RANDURI ****
The only person you need in your life is the one who proves they needs you in theirs.
Persoana de care ai nevoie în viaţa ta este cea care dovedeşte că are nevoie de tine în a ei.
Persoana de care ai nevoie în viaţa ta este cea care dovedeşte că are nevoie de tine în a ei.
**** GANDURI - RANDURI ****
Honestly, I don't have time to hate people who hate me, because I'm too busy loving people who love me.
Sincer, nu am timp să urăsc oamenii care mă urăsc, pentru că eu sunt prea ocupat sa iubesc oamenii care ma iubesc.
Sincer, nu am timp să urăsc oamenii care mă urăsc, pentru că eu sunt prea ocupat sa iubesc oamenii care ma iubesc.
**** GANDURI - RANDURI ****
Don't point out other people's flaws because you're not perfect; you have to look in the mirror before you can look out the window.
**** A deep feeling of gratitude can emerge as we open to the experience of being helped ****
Most of us pride ourselves on our self-sufficiency. We like to be responsible for taking care of ourselves and pulling our own weight in the world. This is why it can be so challenging when we find ourselves in a situation in which we have to rely on someone else. This can happen as the result of an illness or an injury, or even in the case of a positive change, such as the arrival of a newborn. At times like these, it is essential that we let go of our feeling that we should be able to do it all by ourselves and accept the help of others.
The first step is accepting the situation fully as it is. Too often we make things worse either by trying to do more than we should or by lapsing into feelings of uselessness. In both cases we run the risk of actually prolonging our dependency. In addition, we miss a valuable opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. The ego resists what is, so when we move into acceptance we move into the deeper realm of the soul. In needing others and allowing them to help us, we experience the full realization that we are not on our own in the world. While this may bring up feelings of vulnerability, a deep feeling of gratitude may also emerge as we open to the experience of being helped. This realization can enable us to be wiser in our service of others when we are called upon to help.
It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to our own helplessness and to accept that we, just like every other human being, have limitations. The gifts of surrender are numerous. We discover humility, gratitude, and a deepening understanding of the human experience that enables us to be that much more compassionate and surrendered in the world.
The first step is accepting the situation fully as it is. Too often we make things worse either by trying to do more than we should or by lapsing into feelings of uselessness. In both cases we run the risk of actually prolonging our dependency. In addition, we miss a valuable opportunity to practice acceptance and humility. The ego resists what is, so when we move into acceptance we move into the deeper realm of the soul. In needing others and allowing them to help us, we experience the full realization that we are not on our own in the world. While this may bring up feelings of vulnerability, a deep feeling of gratitude may also emerge as we open to the experience of being helped. This realization can enable us to be wiser in our service of others when we are called upon to help.
It takes wisdom and strength to surrender to our own helplessness and to accept that we, just like every other human being, have limitations. The gifts of surrender are numerous. We discover humility, gratitude, and a deepening understanding of the human experience that enables us to be that much more compassionate and surrendered in the world.
**** ATUNCI CAND RELATIA TA CU PERSOANA IUBITA ESTE IN PERICOL ****
Certurile tot mai dese pot fi un indicator bun al conflictelor ce pun in pericol relatia, dar nu sunt singurul semn important. Afla care sunt celelalte semnale de alarma cu privire la viitorul relatiei.
Cele mai multe relatii de cuplu trec prin perioade proaste, dar isi pot reveni atunci cand ambii parteneri sunt dispusi la compromisuri. Exista insa unele semne care iti arata ca, fara o interventie prompta, relatia ta se indreapta catre despartire sau divort.
Absenta comunicarii
Unul dintre cele mai timpurii semne care iti arata ca exista probleme sentimentale este absenta comunicarii.
Deconectarea de partener nu este niciodata un semn bun, iar izolarea emotionala se manifesta aproape intotdeauna prin evitarea discutiilor lungi cu persoana iubita.
Schimbarea comportamentului partenerului
Schimbarea unei rutine nu este intotdeauna un semnal de alarma, daca nu este insotita de o scadere a intimitatii in cuplu.
Daca insa partenerul isi schimba obiceiurile peste noapte, pot sa-i ceri lamuriri despre motive, fara sa folosesti un ton acuzator. Uneori stresul la locul de munca sau unele probleme de sanatate pe care nu ti le-a impartasit inca pot duce la aceste modificari ale comportamentului obisnuit.
Evitarea discutiilor despre viitor
Atunci cand partenerul nu mai este la fel de dispus sa discute planuri de viitor, nici macar cu privire la vacanta din anul urmator, ai o problema.
Daca stii ca persoana iubita trece printr-o perioada dificila, nu insista pe acest subiect. Cand schimba subiectul de fiecare data cand tu incerci sa-l aduci in discutie, exista insa o problema ce ar putea deveni periculoasa in relatia de cuplu.
Luarea de decizii fara consultarea partenerului
Partenerul tau ia decizii importante fara sa te consulte? Nici tu nu mai simti nevoia sa ii ceri sfatul inainte de a lua o hotarare care va afecteaza pe amandoi?
In cazul in care fiecare v-ati mentinut astfel independenta de la inceputul relatiei, nu este cazul sa-ti faci griji. Daca insa observi o schimbare de atitudine in acest sens, discuta cu partenerul si afla motivul pentru care nu te-a consultat. Este posibil sa fi crezut ca stie cu exactitate raspunsul tau si nu a simtit nevoie sa il mai confirmi.
Aparitia confesiunilor surprinzatoare
"Nu mi-a placut niciodata de mama ta!" sau "Nu am inteles niciodata cum poti sa te uiti la emisiunea asta" sunt confesiuni negative care pot fi indicii pentru o problema in cuplu.
Cand confesiunile apar subit si sunt toate de ordin negativ, incearca sa afli sursa nemultumirilor si frustrarilor partenerului pentru a putea depasi aceste probleme.
Evitarea contactului vizual intim
Cel mai evident si uneori ultimul semnal de alarma care apare inaintea despartirii sau divortului tine de contactul vizual. Cand partenerul nu mai mentine contactul vizual indelung care este un semn al intimitatii in cuplu, situatia ar putea fi foarte grava.
Uneori acest lucru se intampla doar pentru ca iti ascunde un lucru cu care stii ca nu ai fi de acord, dar este si un semnal de alarma cu privire la pierderea comunicarii si intimitatii in cuplu.
Citeste mai mult pe: http://familie-relatii.acasa.ro/dragoste-50/semnale-de-alarma-cu-privire-la-viitorul-relatiei-160160.html#ixzz1fmZj9XIC
Cele mai multe relatii de cuplu trec prin perioade proaste, dar isi pot reveni atunci cand ambii parteneri sunt dispusi la compromisuri. Exista insa unele semne care iti arata ca, fara o interventie prompta, relatia ta se indreapta catre despartire sau divort.
Absenta comunicarii
Unul dintre cele mai timpurii semne care iti arata ca exista probleme sentimentale este absenta comunicarii.
Deconectarea de partener nu este niciodata un semn bun, iar izolarea emotionala se manifesta aproape intotdeauna prin evitarea discutiilor lungi cu persoana iubita.
Schimbarea comportamentului partenerului
Schimbarea unei rutine nu este intotdeauna un semnal de alarma, daca nu este insotita de o scadere a intimitatii in cuplu.
Daca insa partenerul isi schimba obiceiurile peste noapte, pot sa-i ceri lamuriri despre motive, fara sa folosesti un ton acuzator. Uneori stresul la locul de munca sau unele probleme de sanatate pe care nu ti le-a impartasit inca pot duce la aceste modificari ale comportamentului obisnuit.
Evitarea discutiilor despre viitor
Atunci cand partenerul nu mai este la fel de dispus sa discute planuri de viitor, nici macar cu privire la vacanta din anul urmator, ai o problema.
Daca stii ca persoana iubita trece printr-o perioada dificila, nu insista pe acest subiect. Cand schimba subiectul de fiecare data cand tu incerci sa-l aduci in discutie, exista insa o problema ce ar putea deveni periculoasa in relatia de cuplu.
Luarea de decizii fara consultarea partenerului
Partenerul tau ia decizii importante fara sa te consulte? Nici tu nu mai simti nevoia sa ii ceri sfatul inainte de a lua o hotarare care va afecteaza pe amandoi?
In cazul in care fiecare v-ati mentinut astfel independenta de la inceputul relatiei, nu este cazul sa-ti faci griji. Daca insa observi o schimbare de atitudine in acest sens, discuta cu partenerul si afla motivul pentru care nu te-a consultat. Este posibil sa fi crezut ca stie cu exactitate raspunsul tau si nu a simtit nevoie sa il mai confirmi.
Aparitia confesiunilor surprinzatoare
"Nu mi-a placut niciodata de mama ta!" sau "Nu am inteles niciodata cum poti sa te uiti la emisiunea asta" sunt confesiuni negative care pot fi indicii pentru o problema in cuplu.
Cand confesiunile apar subit si sunt toate de ordin negativ, incearca sa afli sursa nemultumirilor si frustrarilor partenerului pentru a putea depasi aceste probleme.
Evitarea contactului vizual intim
Cel mai evident si uneori ultimul semnal de alarma care apare inaintea despartirii sau divortului tine de contactul vizual. Cand partenerul nu mai mentine contactul vizual indelung care este un semn al intimitatii in cuplu, situatia ar putea fi foarte grava.
Uneori acest lucru se intampla doar pentru ca iti ascunde un lucru cu care stii ca nu ai fi de acord, dar este si un semnal de alarma cu privire la pierderea comunicarii si intimitatii in cuplu.
Citeste mai mult pe: http://familie-relatii.acasa.ro/dragoste-50/semnale-de-alarma-cu-privire-la-viitorul-relatiei-160160.html#ixzz1fmZj9XIC
**** A TE INDRAGOSTI ****
A te îndragosti înseamna sa recunosti prezenta lui Dumnezeu în cineva sau ceva. Sa vezi perfectiunea fara sa-ti fie teama ca te amagesti si sa crezi în ea. Pentru ca în adâncul fiecaruia ea exista. Sa fii beat de fericire, sa plutesti, sa poti îmbratisa tot ce privirea poate cuprinde. Sa fii "orb" de iubire, "sa-ti pierzi mintile", pentru ca nici o formula, nici o regula sau logica nu mai este valabila.
Sa te simti întreg, sa simti ca totul în jurul tau participa la bucuria ta. Sa simti ca ploaia e o binecuvântare, ca vântul poarta soaptele iubirii tale, ca aerul pe care-l respiri este viu pentru ca fiinta iubita îl respira în acelasi timp cu tine, ca norii sunt purtatori de mesaje, ca toate florile pe care le vezi seamana cu inima ta înflorita si ai vrea sa le daruiesti, ca oamenii zâmbesc pentru ca se bucura împreuna cu tine, ca pasarile cânta fericirea si ai vrea sa le fii recunoscator, ca totul, absolut totul este în sarbatoare.
A te îndragosti înseamna sa descoperi ca lumea este plina de iubire, ca a fost creata pentru a celebra iubirea.
A te îndragosti înseamna sa te bucuri de perfectiunea fiintei iubite, dar si sa fii pregatit pentru limitarea umana ce-i urmeaza, stiind ca, dincolo de ea, cel iubit contine în el întreaga splendoare divina.
Pentru a sti de la început si a nu uita niciodata ca în adâncul fiintei noastre suntem perfecti. Pentru a avea încredere ca prin iubire putem deveni ceea ce în esenta deja suntem. Pentru ca iubirea încurajeaza si uneste, iubirea iarta, vindeca, iubirea lumineaza, creeaza si înalta...
Pentru ca iubirea a fost si va ramâne cea mai mare minune a lumii..
Sa te simti întreg, sa simti ca totul în jurul tau participa la bucuria ta. Sa simti ca ploaia e o binecuvântare, ca vântul poarta soaptele iubirii tale, ca aerul pe care-l respiri este viu pentru ca fiinta iubita îl respira în acelasi timp cu tine, ca norii sunt purtatori de mesaje, ca toate florile pe care le vezi seamana cu inima ta înflorita si ai vrea sa le daruiesti, ca oamenii zâmbesc pentru ca se bucura împreuna cu tine, ca pasarile cânta fericirea si ai vrea sa le fii recunoscator, ca totul, absolut totul este în sarbatoare.
A te îndragosti înseamna sa descoperi ca lumea este plina de iubire, ca a fost creata pentru a celebra iubirea.
A te îndragosti înseamna sa te bucuri de perfectiunea fiintei iubite, dar si sa fii pregatit pentru limitarea umana ce-i urmeaza, stiind ca, dincolo de ea, cel iubit contine în el întreaga splendoare divina.
Pentru a sti de la început si a nu uita niciodata ca în adâncul fiintei noastre suntem perfecti. Pentru a avea încredere ca prin iubire putem deveni ceea ce în esenta deja suntem. Pentru ca iubirea încurajeaza si uneste, iubirea iarta, vindeca, iubirea lumineaza, creeaza si înalta...
Pentru ca iubirea a fost si va ramâne cea mai mare minune a lumii..
**** RITUALUL DE CUCERIRE A FIECAREI ZODII ****
Berbec
Definit de ambitie si entuziasm, nativul Berbec nu se teme sa riste in iubire. De aceea, cand se indragosteste nu urmeaza anumite reguli esentiale. Ritualul sau ascuns este foarte simplu.
Pentru inceput incearca sa descopere cat mai multe informatii despre persoana care-l intereseaza. Apoi, porneste la atac fara sa aiba ezitari. Nativul isi doreste sa obtina totul sau nimic, asadar nu sta prea mult pe ganduri.
Taur
Indecis si timorat, nativul din zodia Taur nu porneste la atac pana nu obtine anumite certitudini. Deoarece isi cunoaste foarte bine limitele si nu ii place sa fie refuzat, tatoneaza atent terenul inainte. Are nevoie de siguranta, asadar mai bine sufera in tacere decat sa fie refuzat. In ritualul sau ascuns se inscriu biletelele romantice si declaratiile sub clar de luna. Impresioneaza prin sensibilitate.
Gemeni
Gemenii adora sa se joace, sa simta vesnic fiorii iubirilor adolescentine. Sunt adeptii flirtului si ai aventurilor, asadar cand vor sa cucereasca apeleaza la diverse tertipuri si glume. Ritualul ascuns in dragoste consta tocmai in aparentul dezinteres pe care il afiseaza. Nu recunosc usor ca s-au indragostit asadar, totul trebuie sa para cat mai natural, chiar accidental.
Rac
Sensiblitatea si devotamentul caracterizeaza cel mai bine persoanele nascute in zodia Rac. In spatele temperamentului modest, ascund o personalitate pasionala, extrem de puternica. Ritualul secret in iubire consta in puterea de a ramane rationale chiar si atunci cand se indragostesc. Joaca putin teatru si par neajutorate. In realitate, isi doresc sa testeze manierele sexului opus.
Leu
Nativul zodiei Leu urmeaza un adevarat ritual atunci cand se indragosteste. Imaginea este totul pentru el, de aceea evita cat poate esecurile. Cand iubeste reactioneaza pe loc. Isi schimba comportamentul si incepe sa practice hobby-uri care l-ar aduce tot mai aproape de persoana pe care vrea s-o cucereasca. Nu in ultimul rand, micile cadouri sunt nelipsite la primele intalniri.
Definit de ambitie si entuziasm, nativul Berbec nu se teme sa riste in iubire. De aceea, cand se indragosteste nu urmeaza anumite reguli esentiale. Ritualul sau ascuns este foarte simplu.
Pentru inceput incearca sa descopere cat mai multe informatii despre persoana care-l intereseaza. Apoi, porneste la atac fara sa aiba ezitari. Nativul isi doreste sa obtina totul sau nimic, asadar nu sta prea mult pe ganduri.
Taur
Indecis si timorat, nativul din zodia Taur nu porneste la atac pana nu obtine anumite certitudini. Deoarece isi cunoaste foarte bine limitele si nu ii place sa fie refuzat, tatoneaza atent terenul inainte. Are nevoie de siguranta, asadar mai bine sufera in tacere decat sa fie refuzat. In ritualul sau ascuns se inscriu biletelele romantice si declaratiile sub clar de luna. Impresioneaza prin sensibilitate.
Gemeni
Gemenii adora sa se joace, sa simta vesnic fiorii iubirilor adolescentine. Sunt adeptii flirtului si ai aventurilor, asadar cand vor sa cucereasca apeleaza la diverse tertipuri si glume. Ritualul ascuns in dragoste consta tocmai in aparentul dezinteres pe care il afiseaza. Nu recunosc usor ca s-au indragostit asadar, totul trebuie sa para cat mai natural, chiar accidental.
Rac
Sensiblitatea si devotamentul caracterizeaza cel mai bine persoanele nascute in zodia Rac. In spatele temperamentului modest, ascund o personalitate pasionala, extrem de puternica. Ritualul secret in iubire consta in puterea de a ramane rationale chiar si atunci cand se indragostesc. Joaca putin teatru si par neajutorate. In realitate, isi doresc sa testeze manierele sexului opus.
Leu
Nativul zodiei Leu urmeaza un adevarat ritual atunci cand se indragosteste. Imaginea este totul pentru el, de aceea evita cat poate esecurile. Cand iubeste reactioneaza pe loc. Isi schimba comportamentul si incepe sa practice hobby-uri care l-ar aduce tot mai aproape de persoana pe care vrea s-o cucereasca. Nu in ultimul rand, micile cadouri sunt nelipsite la primele intalniri.
Fecioara
Fecioara apreciaza sinceritatea si nu este adepta jocurilor riscante. Totusi, in iubire mai recurge uneori si la strategii menite sa-i faciliteze calea spre cel care i-a furat inima. Pentru inceput va nega orice sentiment. In spatele indiferentei ascunde insa un interes sporit si este atent la orice detaliu. Dupa ce primeste confirmari isi dezvaluieste treptat intentiile.
Balanta
Balanta este complet dependenta de afectiune si iubire. Cu toate astea este indecisa cand trebuie sa isi aleaga partenerul. Inventiva, dornica sa ii fie pe plac celuilalt, nu se da inapoi de la compromisuri in dragoste. Transforma seductia intr-un adevarat ritual, dand dovada de foarte multa intelegere si afectivitate. Intr-o relatie simte nevoia sa fie in centrul atentiei si il flateaza pe celalalt doar pentru a face impresie in fata altora.
Scorpion
Scorpionul isi ascunde deseori intentiile in spatele unui zambet enigmatic. Nu recunoaste cand se indragosteste, insa pune la cale o adevarata strategie pentru a-l cuceri pe celalalt. Din ritualul ascuns al nativului nu lipsesc declaratiile pasionale si aluziile erotice. Nu se teme sa provoace, dimpotriva, urmareste foarte atent reactia celuilalt. Isi doreste alaturi un partener la fel de receptiv si nonconformist.
Sagetator
Caracterizat de extravaganta, Sagetatorul se lasa calauzit de idealuri inalte. Nici atunci cand se indragosteste nu renunta la principiile sale. Ii place sa uimesca, sa fie intotdeauna altfel. Mizeaza pe conversatie, sinceritate si este deschis provocarilor. Utilizeaza limbajul corpului in ritualul de seductie. Este insistent si va prefera o lupta directa, de aceea va discuta deschis despre intentiile sale.
Fecioara apreciaza sinceritatea si nu este adepta jocurilor riscante. Totusi, in iubire mai recurge uneori si la strategii menite sa-i faciliteze calea spre cel care i-a furat inima. Pentru inceput va nega orice sentiment. In spatele indiferentei ascunde insa un interes sporit si este atent la orice detaliu. Dupa ce primeste confirmari isi dezvaluieste treptat intentiile.
Balanta
Balanta este complet dependenta de afectiune si iubire. Cu toate astea este indecisa cand trebuie sa isi aleaga partenerul. Inventiva, dornica sa ii fie pe plac celuilalt, nu se da inapoi de la compromisuri in dragoste. Transforma seductia intr-un adevarat ritual, dand dovada de foarte multa intelegere si afectivitate. Intr-o relatie simte nevoia sa fie in centrul atentiei si il flateaza pe celalalt doar pentru a face impresie in fata altora.
Scorpion
Scorpionul isi ascunde deseori intentiile in spatele unui zambet enigmatic. Nu recunoaste cand se indragosteste, insa pune la cale o adevarata strategie pentru a-l cuceri pe celalalt. Din ritualul ascuns al nativului nu lipsesc declaratiile pasionale si aluziile erotice. Nu se teme sa provoace, dimpotriva, urmareste foarte atent reactia celuilalt. Isi doreste alaturi un partener la fel de receptiv si nonconformist.
Sagetator
Caracterizat de extravaganta, Sagetatorul se lasa calauzit de idealuri inalte. Nici atunci cand se indragosteste nu renunta la principiile sale. Ii place sa uimesca, sa fie intotdeauna altfel. Mizeaza pe conversatie, sinceritate si este deschis provocarilor. Utilizeaza limbajul corpului in ritualul de seductie. Este insistent si va prefera o lupta directa, de aceea va discuta deschis despre intentiile sale.
Capricorn
Temator si discret, nativul din zodia Capricorn nu vrea sa iasa in evidenta atunci cand isi doreste sa cucereasca. Cu siguranta, este unul dintre semnele care pune la cale un adevarat ritual ascuns in iubire. Este dotat cu o toleranta iesita din comun, asadar va astepta linistit momentul in care trebuie sa actioneze. Intre timp afla totul despre persoana care il intereseaza. Ii cerceteaza trecutul, aspiratiile, astfel incat sa nu fie luat prin surprindere cu nimic.
Varsator
In dragoste, Varsatorul este inainte de toate un prieten bun care doreste cu orice pret sa isi pastreze independenta. Cand se indragosteste isi exprima ideile intr-un mod cat mai original, insa niciodata nu intrece masura. Dimpotriva, arunca anumite aluzii, apoi se asteapta sa fie el cel asaltat. Isi imbunatateste mereu ritualul cu tehnici noi, fiind o persoana care nu duce lipsa de idei indraznete.
Pesti
Pestii sunt oscilanti si nehotarati. Cand se indragostesc lasa impresia ca sunt interesati, insa dispar atunci cand actiunea devine mai intensa. Aceasta reactie face parte dintr-un ritual bine pus la punct pe care il respecta cu sfintenie. Le place sa trezeasca interesul, insa cer dovezi pentru a merge mai departe. Intr-o relatie isi doresc sa fie rasfatati si apreciati.
Temator si discret, nativul din zodia Capricorn nu vrea sa iasa in evidenta atunci cand isi doreste sa cucereasca. Cu siguranta, este unul dintre semnele care pune la cale un adevarat ritual ascuns in iubire. Este dotat cu o toleranta iesita din comun, asadar va astepta linistit momentul in care trebuie sa actioneze. Intre timp afla totul despre persoana care il intereseaza. Ii cerceteaza trecutul, aspiratiile, astfel incat sa nu fie luat prin surprindere cu nimic.
Varsator
In dragoste, Varsatorul este inainte de toate un prieten bun care doreste cu orice pret sa isi pastreze independenta. Cand se indragosteste isi exprima ideile intr-un mod cat mai original, insa niciodata nu intrece masura. Dimpotriva, arunca anumite aluzii, apoi se asteapta sa fie el cel asaltat. Isi imbunatateste mereu ritualul cu tehnici noi, fiind o persoana care nu duce lipsa de idei indraznete.
Pesti
Pestii sunt oscilanti si nehotarati. Cand se indragostesc lasa impresia ca sunt interesati, insa dispar atunci cand actiunea devine mai intensa. Aceasta reactie face parte dintr-un ritual bine pus la punct pe care il respecta cu sfintenie. Le place sa trezeasca interesul, insa cer dovezi pentru a merge mai departe. Intr-o relatie isi doresc sa fie rasfatati si apreciati.
**** GANDIREA POZITIVA LA SFATUL MUNTE ATHOS ****
Sfantul Munte - Cum puteti avea o zi perfecta
Ziua are patru " incheieturi ". Incarcarea energetica si invocarea bunei sorti are un efect mai puternic atunci cand sunt practicate la aceste " incheieturi ", sau schimbari de lumini.
Schimbarile de lumini: - dimineata - amiaza - seara - miezul noptii
"Foloseste bine rasaritul si asfintitul, oprindu-te atunci din orice lucru si lasand mintea in stare de mare curatenie, cateva minute ".
Ziua perfecta o vei croi cu gandul, dimineata. Repeta mental de trei ori: " ziua aceasta este un dar de la Dumnezeu, sa o primesc ca atare ".
Dimineata, la sculare, ridica-te din pat lent, dar ferm. Evita gesturile bruste pentru a obisnui inima cu ritmul diurn. Spala-te pana la brau, dar cu apa putina. Purifica limba. Dupa spalare fa urmatorul exercitiu: " tinand mainile impreunate, cu palmele ca pentru rugaciune, expira lung, purificator; inspira apoi in voie, desfacand larg mainile si simtind ca te umpli cu lumina alba - lumina Christica ".
Sa incepi aceste exercitii numai intr-o zi de sarbatoare. Cu fata spre rasarit, spune mental, de doua ori: " Este o zi buna ". Norocul are forma gandului.
Ziua intai.
Invata sa te trezesti, invata sa mananci.
Ziua perfecta se sprijina pe doi piloni:
- gandul pozitiv;
- mancarea potrivita (cu lucrul tau).
Regula este: " invata sa te trezesti, invata sa mananci ".
Dimineata, dupa purificarea limbii, bea un pahar cu apa: apa nu trebuie sa fie rece, ci la temperatura camerei. Niciodata de la frigider! Poti pune, in paharul cu apa, o lingurita de miere. La trezire sa-ti spui : " Este o zi fasta "!.
Fiecare zi are un simbol si un stapan care-ti sunt releuri spre tarie.
Sarbatorile sunt repere ale salvarii.
Astazi este ziua puterii tale in lume. Si asupra lumii. Cand deschizi ochii, atrage binele si creaza imprejurari favorabile tie.Precizeaza-ti scopul, si scopul va veni singur spre tine. Dar ai grija sa-l formulezi precis, cu ochii deschisi si cu mintea senina.
La mancare, evita doua greseli si anume: abundenta si intunecimea hranei.
Sa nu mananci niciodata peste trebuintele corpului.
Nu manca intre mese.
Ziua a doua.
·
Gandeste-te ca painea este mai mult decat paine.
Coreleaza mancarea cu o atitudine mentala pozitiva.
Profita de momentul mesei, cand corpul este ascultator, si
ajuta-l sa traiasca mai sus de nivelul biologic.
Cand ai intalniri importante, daca vrei sa invingi mananca
foarte putin. Daca ai sedinte sau treburi pe la parlament sau
primarie, dimineata nu te imbuiba cu prea multa mancare.
Cantitatea de mancare pentru o masa apreciaz-o astfel: "
maxim cat ar intra in soseta piciorului tau, pana la glezna ".
Tot ce depaseste aceasta masura, strica la supletea mintii.
Te asezi la masa pentru a lua micul dejun. Corpul tau este
stabil.
Alungi grijile, preocuparile. Te linistesti. Nu citesti ziarele.
Inainte de a incepe mancatul iti spui mental : " Painea
este mai mult decat paine ".
Repeta de trei ori, adica timp de douasprezece secunde, cu
ochii deschisi, dar privind launtric. traieste intens si linistit
continutul urmatoarei fraze: " Nu cauta sensurile, ci
doar trairea - o stare de recunostiinta ".
Mai gandeste-te ca painea nu este aliment, ci
medicamemnt. Asa se face trecerea de la mancat ca act
biologic la actul constient si spiritual.
Aceasta constientizare te predispune la mobilitatea mentala
de care ai nevoie in aceasta zi. Asocierea intre un act
biologic si o gandire divina conduce la " euharistie ". Saltul
de la grosier la subtil, de la simturi la spirit.
Ziua a treia.
Spune mental: " Am doar trei trebuinte ".
O zi prielnica pentru reducerea trebuintelor!. Omul scindat
are 1001 de trebuinte si traieste in continua agitare si stres.
Tabloul real al trebuintelor umane este in numar de 36.
Omul perfect echilibrat are 18 trebuinte. Omul optimizat
are doar 9. Inafara de acestea, mai sunt doua categorii :
inteleptul si bogatul. Ei au doar trei trebuinte. Iar eliberatul
are zero trebuinte.
Dimineata, la rasarit, stai pe scaun ; coloana trebuie sa fie
dreapta, mainile pe genunchi cu palmele orientate, fie in
sus, fie in jos - cum te simti mai comod. Ferm si destins.
Ochii deschisi, dar privind launtric.
Spune mental: " Am doar trei trebuinte ".
Repeta aceasta de sase ori. Bate la usa subconstientului si ti
se va intredeschide doi milimetri. Respira profund,
expirand mai lung decat ai inspirat, apoi repeta iarasi de
sase ori: " Am doar trei trebuinte ". Apoi ramai
douasprezece secunde cu mintea complet libera,
transparenta.
Spun douasprezece secunde pentru ca este o unitate
temporara tainica. Nu-i nevoie sa te uiti la ceas. Poate fi si
mai mult dar sa nu fie mai putin de atat. La sfarsit respira
lung - va rezulta o liniste buna. Nu te preocupa ce nume au
aceste trei trebuinte, dimineata si ori de cate ori constati
asaltul miilor de trebuinte care vor sa-ti clatine puterea !.
Ziua a patra.
Autocontrolul expresiei fetei ca depasire a hipnozei
spontane.
" Lumea este o oglinda si-ti restituie chipul pa care i-l arati
", zicea un intelept.
Daca ii arati chip posomarit, iti restituie esecuri, daca ii
arati chip senin, iti restituie seninatate si realizare.
La iesirea din casa, coborirea in strada, controleaza-ti
expresia fetei. "
Sa nu aiba nici o urma de inmormantare.
Oricate griji si preocupari ai intre peretii casei, pe strada
descreteste-ti fruntea si construieste-ti un chip senin,
destins.
Chipul tau programeaza lumea cu nuante afective. Tu esti
un programator inconstient al lumii. Mereu functioneaza
intre tine si altii o hipnoza spontana, nestiuta, dar puternica.
Oamenii se sugestioneaza tacit prin chip, atitudine, culori,
asteptari.
Aminteste-ti azi, de doua ori, exercitiul zilei; cand te vei
afla intre oameni, sa-ti controlezi atent seninatatea fetei.
Destindere si seninatate.
Sa=ti spui: " Chipul meu senin imbunatateste
aura corpului meu si a celor pe langa care
trec ".
Un om imbunatatit are efect pozitiv, prin simpla lui
prezenta, asupra a 100 de oameni.
Pe strada, in metrou, in tramvai, la birou, toti vor primi de
la tine, fara sa stie, un program pozitiv. Tu insuti vei resimti
pozitiv reflexia acestui program, caci lumea este o oglinda.
Ziua a cincea.
Nu te enerva ca doi si cu doi fac patru.
Iata un test pentru a verifica starea nervilor unui om.
Intreaba-l cat fac doi si cu doi
Un nevrotic iti va raspunde : " doi si cu doi fac patru, dar
chestia asta ma enerveaza teribil ".
Asadar, nu te enerva ca doi si cu doi fac patru, nu te enerva
ca lumea este cum este, ca strambul este prea stramb. Nu fi
manios.
Mania este mare consumatoare de energie.
Pastreaza-ti calmul si vei ramane puternic intr-o lume
neispravita inca, intr-o tara care trece prin experienta
junglei.
Miercurea este considerata cea mai buna zi a saptamanii, si
asta pentru ca este ziua obstacolelor. In traditia noastra,
Sfanta Miercuri este cea care pune obstacole pentru a-ti
stimula duhul treziei, si tot ea ridica obstacolele…
Ceea ce ti se pare o infrangere, nu-i decat o fata a ascezei.
Iar cele obtinute fara asceza se sting repede.
Nu te mania ca exista obstacole.. Mania " perforeaza " si
strica acel invelis nevazut, acea compunere de campuri de
energii care protejeaza corpul vostru.
Exista boli grave din manie si exista vindecari miraculoase
prin " isihia " ( practica linistii launtrice ).
Nu te mania pe Balcani si pe balcanici, ci deschide ochii.
Nu exista dusmani, ci doar victime ale propriei lor
dizarmonii.
Daca intelegi aceasta, mintea iti va inspira solutii optime in
orice situatie.
Ziua a sasea.
Trei solutii pentru combaterea stresului.
Motivul stresului este launtric, nu exterior. Stresul nu este o
infrangere obiectiva ci o autoinfrangere.
La serviciu, te streseaza ritmul muncii si lipsa de timp.
Japonezii, care lucreaza 72 de ore pe saptamana, nu sunt
deloc stresati. Balcanicii lucreaza 44 de ore pe saptamana,
dar adesea se plang de stres.
Combati stresul anuland sau dizolvand doua conflicte :
conflictul cu Munca si conflictul cu Timpul. Munca te
streseaza cand o faci in sila.
Practica optimizarii ne indeamna sa privim munca ca pe o
slujire a semenului. Asta este foarte greu intr-un sistem
degradat si corupt.
E greu sa-l slujesti pe cel care te jefuieste. Dar daca reusesti
asta, vei diminua nu jaful ci nevroza.
Conflictul cu Timpul este in realitate un conflict cu tine
insuti. Impresia de lipsa de timp provine intotdeauna din
lipsa de bucurie si eficienta. Gaseste multumirea si astfel
vei gasi timpul.
Primul pas: Stopeaza gandirea negativa -
daca nu definitiv, macar un minut la fiecare
douasprezece minute.
Al doilea pas: Educa-ti gandirea pozitiva;
schimba-l pe " imposibil " cu " posibil ".
Caci reusita este o parere transformata in
decizie. Cum?
Dupa fiecare doua ore de lucru, te opresti doua minute si 30
de secunde, ramanand in acest scurt interval de timp intr-o
stabilitate perfecta, cu coloana vertebrala dreapta, cu
mintea fara ganduri.
Capacitatea de raspuns la factorii de stres creste si poti
rezolva astfel chiar si singurul stres dramatic: cel de
nesolicitare.
Ziua a saptea.
·
Respiratia luminata.
Azi te ajuti de respiratie ca sa faci trecerea de la biologic la
spiritual, sa faci trecerea de la rudimentar la imbunatatit,
caci tot ce este rudimentar este si vulnerabil.
Respiratia se numeste " luminata " cand te concentrezi pe
actul respirator si-l insotesti de sugestii pozitive. O numim
luminata ca s-o deosebim de cea biologica; inspiram
lumina.
Esti in picioare, in fata ferestrei, cu ochii deschisi. Expiri
lung, apasand palmele una peste alta unite in dreptul
barbiei. Accentuezi presiunea intre palme. Continui sa
expiri " storcand " abdomenul apasand barbia spre gat,
aplecand capul in jos. Ramai fara aer in piept cinci secunde.
Cardiacii sa nu forteze, ceilalti sa stea asa minim cinci
secunde.
In acest timp, mintea se concentreaza pe ideea de purificare
a celor trei zone solicitate: abdomen, gat, frunte. Sunt cele
trei locuri - functii raspunzatoare de soarta: metabolism,
vorbire, gandire.
Apoi inspira liber, spunand: " Inspir Lumina alba ".
In practica optimizarii, " lumina alba " inseamna lumina
incarcata cu cele trei atribute dumnezeiesti ( credinta,
nadejde, dragoste ).
Cand spui " Inspir lumina alba ", spontan te umpli cu cele
sase calitati divine - mai precis le reactualizezi in propria ta
faptura, iei cunostinta de ele.
Mintea cunoaste astfel extindere si calitate.
Dimineata, sa faci sase respiratii luminate. Lucreaza incet,
fara sa fortezi. Expiratia este mult mai lunga decat
inspiratia. La urma, dupa cele sase respiratii luminate,
inchide ochii, lasa mainile pe langa corp si ramai destins si
detasat, fara ganduri, doua minute, ascultand senzatiile din
trup, ascultand tacerea launtrica.
Aceasta " ascultare " a tacerii este chiar relatia ta imediata
si personala cu El - Dumnezeu Tatal, Dumnezeu al
Dragostei si a Luminii -, iar in planul psihic, exercitiul
aduce o necesara stare de trezire si vitalitate.
Ziua a opta
Citeste versetul 3, psalmul 23 din Biblie.
Exista doua categorii de oameni: - unii care rateaza ziua de
duminica; - altii care se mahnesc pentru ca nu au cu cine so
rateze.
Sambata si duminica, cei singuri simt dureros si disperat
singuratatea. Acumularea nemultumirii se transforma direct
in simptom de angoasa.
Pentru cei singuri, sarbatoarea trebuie redescoperita, pentru
insanatosirea omului.
Pentru aceasta unii se duc in casa imparateasca la liturghie.
Altii stiu ca si urcarea pe munte este o rugaciune.
Altii descopera azi " lectia divina ".
Este un pas spre meditatie. Citirea unui text sacru,
contopindu-te cu intelesurile lui, se numeste " lectia divina
".
Ca exercitiu de iluminare, se practica patru ore pe zi.
Daca in alte zile citesti jumatate de verset din Biblie,
duminica sa te decizi sa citesti un verset intreg !.
Versetul 3 din Psalmul 23. Citeste-l contopindu-te
cu continutul sau, repeta-l, si vei vedea ca el contine
secretul vindecarii si al ascensiunii tale.
Si nu uita : esti un om cult in masura in care ai inteles litera
Bibliei, si esti un om eliberat in masura in care ai inteles
spiritul ei.
Dupa " lectia divina " sunt sigur ca vei fi inspirat despre
cum sa castigi duminica, de atatea ori pierduta. Vei sti ce sa
faci cu ziua vietii tale.
Vei sti ca fericirea care se intemeiaza pe un obiect exterior
este fragila si atunci vei cauta unde trebuie.
Ziua a noua
Postul imparatesc.
Maine hatarasti sa postesti. Tii post ca sa-ti intaresti
sanatatea sau ca sa vindeci pe altul ; sa te purifici de toxine
sau sa pregatesti terenul mintii clarvazatoare. Caci postul
este profilaxie si spiritualitate. Este si ofranda, ajutor.
In India, in statul Kerala, femeile postesc o zi pe
saptamana, ca Dumnezeu sa dea viata lunga barbatilor lor.
Si cum ofranda te sporeste pe tine, ele postesc pentru
longevitatea barbatilor, iar efectul este ca ele traiesc mult
mai mult decat barbatii.
Postul imparatesc este cand mananci odata pe zi, seara dupa
apusul soarelui.
Toamna, masa zilei de post imparatesc sa fie la ora 18. 00.
Rupi postul printr-o mancare usoara si " luminata ", de
pilda paine cu legume ca sa nu strici ce ai cladit o zi
intreaga.
Mancarea " luminata " inseamna acel " tablou " alimentar
stabilit dupa criteriul reflexului ereditar; observa ce au
mancat oamenii locului timp de 30 de generatii, apoi fa o
medie.
Asa dar, pentru spatiul romanesc, pe primul loc stau
cerealele si produsele cerealiere. Painea reprezinta 65 %
din alimentatie. Urmeaza legumele, ulei de floarea soarelui,
fructe si miere. De abia apoi vin alte produse, in proportii
mici.
Posteste numai cu un insotitor sau doi dar niciodata singur.
Evita in post orice suparare : o manie de numai cinci
minute il anuleaza.
Ziua a zecea
Postirea nu inseamna infometare.
Cand incepe unul din posturile mari de peste an, sa va
ganditi la exemplul lui Ioan de la Sihla. Ioan a fost un om
cu studii, dar a vazut ca scolile nu dau solutia traitului, si a
ales calea linistii.
Prin calea linistii launtrice (numita si isihia), el a dobandit
puteri miraculoase, intre care citirea perfecta a gandurilor si
caldura vitala permanenta.
Intr-o zi de iarna, in Postul Craciunului, el a fost intrebat
daca nu ii este frig descult si dezbracat. Ioan a raspuns: "
Eu sunt cetateanul Muntilor Carpati si Domnul are grija de
mine. Nu simt frigul, nici arsita, nici foamea, nici setea,
nici alta nevointa pamanteasca ".
Acest om ( a carui viata o stim din Patericul roman ) a
obtinut aceste daruri prin post si rugaciune, cele doua "
aripi " ale vietii sporite.
Ioan a lasat un mesaj in privinta vietii alimentare: el
observa ca fiecare etapa a evolutiei spirituale este insotita si
determinata de o imbunatatire a regimului alimentar,
dinspre intunecat spre lumina, dinspre cruzimea lacomiei
spre inteligenta si smerenia meselor simple si usoare.
Duceti astfel, postul, gandindu-va ca postirea nu inseamna
infometare, ci regandirea hranei, si o atitudine sufleteasca
imbunatatita.
Postul nu-i slujire, ci prilej de corectare a unor obiceiuri
alimentare gresite.
Si invatarea meditatiei, si sentimentul de recunostinta,
amintirea ca painea este simbolul timpului divin: astfel te
programezi, la masa, cu atribute divine, iar mancarea
devine prilej de trecere de la biologic la spiritual.
Si postul de cuvinte, faptuit prin evitarea asprimii si prin
pastrarea tacerii.
Mananca atat cat sa nu-ti refuze pofta de meditatie.
Daca dupa masa ai pofta de meditatie, ai mancat adevarat.
Ziua a unsprezecea
O solutie impotriva suferintei de a trai.
Exista 64 de remedii impotriva suferintei. " Luarea de
cunostinta " este primul remediu, adica constientizarea. Si
daca incepi sa-l practici corect, consecvent si continuu vei
fi scutit de celelalte 63 de remedii.
" Luarea de conostinta " este mutarea atentiei de la grijile
tale spre corpul tau, de la grijile mari si insemnate la
neinsemnatul corp.
Grijile sunt expresia ego-ului.
Corpul este exprimarea vibratiei universale. ( " Materia este
un ritm, substanta este o frecventa " ).
Luarea de cunostinta se practica astfel: - Te asezi ferm si
stabil pe un scaun ( sau mai bine pe un taburet, dar
niciodata pe un fotoliu), caci coloana vertebrala trebuie sa
fie dreapta, fara efort, iar genunchii sa fie ceva mai jos de
osul iliac, sau cel mult la acelasi nivel - niciodata genunchii
sa nu fie mai sus decat nivelul bazinului. - Mainile
impreunate in poala, cu stanga peste dreapta, pentru ca
stanga antreneaza, prin legare, emisfera din dreapta:
emisfera cerebrala a tacerii, a rugaciunii, a intelegerii " psi
". - Capul trebuie sa fie drept. Ochii deschisi, dar lasati
oblic in jos, privind ca si launtric.
In pozitia aceasta, ramai nemiscat cel putin doua minute si
treizeci de secunde. In acest timp, te concentrezi pe ordinea
corpului tau, adica fixezi mental, rand pe rand, coloana pe
care o tii dreapta, si partile corpului, pazind stabilitatea lor.
Alte doua minute si treizeci de secunde te concentrezi pe
fluxul respiratiei, devii martor al respiratiei tale.
Inca doua minute si treizeci de secunde pastrezi mintea
pura, fara nici un gand. Apoi pendulezi usor bustul de
cateva ori, spre stanga si spre dreapta, dupa care te ridici si
faci cativa pasi prin camera.
Acest exercitiu, atat de simplu, are putere de linistire si de
incarcare energetica, activand pulsul vietii.
Ziua a douasprezecea
Initierea in terapia iertarii.
Exercitiul iertarii se practica la apusul soareelui. Foloseste
energia finalului de zi pentru cel mai important exercitiu al
optimizarii tale.
Nu te culca niciodata apasat de neiertare. Sa nu ramana in
mintea ta, peste noapte, cel neiertat. Tot ce ramane neiertat
in tine se transforma in program negativ si produce, in
viitor, rau.
Adversitatea este o impuritate, n-o pastra in tine, dizolv-o.
Asadar, ierti pentru tine, nu pentru altul. Ierti ca sa dizolvi
un focar patogen.
Boala este o informatie despre incatusare. Cand ierti un
adversar, te eliberezi de el - tu rupi lantul ( cea mai dura
legatura este intre victima si calau ). Ierti ca sa programezi
mintea serii cu sanatate.
Mania iti sparge aura corpului, iertarea o face stralucitoare.
Esti in picioare, cu fata spre fereastra. Deschide bratele,
larg. Macar odata pe zi deschide bratele. Spune in gand: "
Sunt deschis si receptiv la bogatia lumii ".
Concentreaza-te pe ideea ca tu protejezi si hranesti, cu
energia ta, spatiul din jur: orasul tau, apoi Romania,
Europa, Planeta…
Expira lung. La expiratie expulzezi din mental ca " tu esti
tu ". La inspiratie te umpli de multumire si incredere in
tine. Apoi ramai fara ganduri, cu sentimentul ca protejezi.
Cea mai buna iertare este sa faci binele. Sa trimiti un gand
bun catre ei. Tu esti ei. Repeta fraza: " Sunt usor, sunt tot
mai usor ". Ca si cum, iertand, te despovarezi de o greutate.
" Ma eliberez iertand, ma dezleg, sunt usor ".
Sa folosesti bine asfintitul. Iertand, tu arzi negativitatea din
trupul tau actual si din soarta.
Adevarata iertare este sa faci un dar celui iertat. Este o
ofranda.
Bratele si trupul tau fac simbolul unei cruci, iar crucea e
paradigma cosmosului; pentru om este imbratisare, hranire,
protejarea semenilor.
Daruieste ca sa ierti. Evoca mental pe cel iertat si daruiestei
gandul insanatosirii, al unei bune sorti. Nu-i un dar
simbolic, e chiar real; gandul construieste, partricipa la
arhitectura vibratoare a semenului tau si, mai departe a
lumii. Gandul iertarii aduce armonie, iar tu vei locui intr-o
lume armonioasa.
Gandul e mai puternic decat fapta.
Ziua a treisprezecea
Esecul este o forma a nerabdarii.
Postirea prilejuieste o incarcare energetica si o purificare.
Mintea dobandeste claritate perfecta, trupul - suplete,
tonusul psihic urca, aura e stralucitoare.
Cei care au viata de cuplu vor evita actul sexual in timpul
postului. Un act sexual anuleaza rezultatele unui post de 21
de zile. De aceea, cei care nu au putut sa se abtina de la a
avea contact sexual in post, sunt indemnati ca, dupa
sarbatori, sa repete 21 de zile de postire.
Postul nu-i prilej de interdictii, nici de mortificare, ci un
prilej de desteptare la minte, de observare ca omul, in
general, este tentat sa acumuleze greseli si esecuri.
Ce este esecul?
Esecul este o forta a nerabdarii noastre. Postul este un
exercitiu de rabdare, chemand in ajutor fie instinctul de
conservare, fie pe Dumnezeu.
De altfel, intre Dumnezeu si instinctul de conservare este o
continuitate perfecta ( exprimata si prin atributul "
Atottiitorul ", conferit Supremului ). In ce priveste
instinctul sexual, sa ai grija de doua prescriptii : moderatie
si curatenie. Pe acestea sa le tii si dupa ce trece postul. Caci
postul nu-i un accident calendaristic limitat acum la 40 de
zile, ci este o scoala a schimbarii inimii si un antrenament
spiritual.
De aceea nu-l vei resimti ca pe o constrangere, ci ca pe o
actualizare a solutiilor de soarta buna.
Ziua a paisprezecea
Ora conexiunilor astrale.
Adevarata iesire din singuratate este trairea, timp de o
clipa, a conditiei de " neuron " din creierul spetei, al
planetei. Cand o spui, pare un lucru ingenios. Dar cand o
traiesti, este o reducere la zero a ego-ului, este o traire a
sa… si esti parte a oceanului care e speta umana.
Omul este mai puternic daca percepe amploarea
conexiunilor sale pe pamant si-n eter, a legaturilor sale
energetismul teluric si cosmic.
Cunoscand conexiunile tale intime, fluide, cu ceilalti
oameni si cu toata speta, diminueaza complexele psihice,
diminueaza impulsul de a-ti sfasia semenul, diminueaza
frica de tine si de altii, frica latenta care -ti consuma
energia. Cum se face asta?
Mai inainte am indicat un exercitiu de " luare de cunostinta
".
Daca prelungesti timpul exercitiului, vor aparea efecte noi
si insemnate. Anterior durata exercitiului a fost de circa 9
minute. Fa exercitiul seara. Ferm si agreabil, timp de 15
minute.
Mutand atentia de la grijile importante, la corpul "
neimportant " (stiind ca grijile sunt expresia ego-ului, iar
corpul este expresia atractiei universale ).
Nu prelungi exercitiul peste 15 minute decat daca ai
indrumator.
In general, dupa 10 minute apare senzatia de vastitate, de
dilatare placuta a corpului si pierderea senzatiei de greutate
fizica. Observa starea aceasta, dar nu te atasa de ea;
pastreaza trezia si controlul perfect al schemei corporale.
Caci poate sa apara senzatia de dedublare, de " iesire in
astral ". Nu te lasa atras pe panta asta.
Un maiestru zicea: " Daca practicantul o ia spre cer, trage-l
de picioare in jos ".
Tu faci experienta extinderii constintei nu pentru a iesi din
corp in univers, ci pentru a realiza ca trupul este chiar locul
unde universul devine fiinta ta. Si astfel te intaresti.
Experimentele " iesirii " in astral sunt usoare, amagitoare si
tin de copilaria ezoterica a omenirii. Tu alege sa faci
experienta treziei perfecte, aducand pe pamant cele
castigate in vazduh.
Ziua a cinsprezecea
Dialog cu subconstientul despre vindecare si soarta buna.
O zi perfecta depinde de seara perfecta: o zi buna se
cunoaste de cu seara… Mintea serii este lenesa si profunda,
mai primitoare de sugestii decat mintea diminetii.
Inaintea somnului, trei sau cinci minute inainte de a
adormi, mintea omului se afla in starea " alfa ", in mod
natural. Adica activitatea electrica a creierului isi
incetineste ritmul, are un ritm de circa 8 - 12 cicli pe
secunda:ritmul " alfa ".
Starea alfa este propice pentru autoprogramare pozitiva. In
aceasta stare, sugestia patrunde mai usor in inconstient. Iar
daca a patruns acolo, ea devine actiune.
Viitorul are forma mintii tale. " Mintea produce mereu
modele ale viitorului ", constata psihiatrul Lewy. Daca ii
dai mintii o fraza anume elaborata si o convingere, mintea
produce din ele viitor, produce ziua de maine, produce
situatii favorabile tie.
Controleaza acest proces de modelare prin cuvinte. Viitorul
asculta de stari si propozitii.
Cand ai o maladie, sa repeti, in starea de somnolenta, pana
adormi ( circa 3 - 5 minute ) fraza : " Ma simt din ce in ce
mai bine…pe zi ce trece…si din toate punvctele de vedere
" ( metoda E. Cuoe ).
Repeta rar, calm, pana adormi. Fa acest lucru sapte seri la
rand, iar pentru fixarea rezultatului, inca sapte + sapte seri
la rand. Adormi cu aceasta fraza in minte, caci aceasta fraza
a vindecat mii de persoane.
Nu pronunta numele bolii, caci subconstientul nu stie
termeni medicali, nu stie nici macar ce inseamna " gripa ".
El preia numai sugestia insanatosirii. Si o implineste cu
mare precizie. El este un factor de restabilire a conditiei
naturale a fiintei, un mediator al bunei sorti.
Ziua a saisprezecea
Comportamentul de reusita.
Seara, la culcare, sa nu rememorezi niciodata momente
neplacute ale zilei incheiate. Nu " rumega " ganduri rele. La
culcare, franele rationale sunt slabite, si atunci
subconstientul primeste mai usor sugestiile si impresiile
puternice. " Rumegarea " unui esec al zilei devine astfel un
program pentru un nou esec. Daca prelungesti o mahnire, te
programezi cu inca o mahnire.
Stopeaza aceasta tendinta, aminteste-ti ca esecul este doar o
fata a nerabdarii si a orgoliului tau. Stopeaza, seara, orice
emotie negativa, dand mintii o sugestie de intarire.
Stopeaza imaginatia sau obsesia cu privire la o intilnire
viitoare.
Iata cum se procedeaza: daca a doua zi trebuie sa dai un
raspuns important, daca se cere sa iei o hotarire capitala, e
bine sa nu te framanti cum vei rezolva. Ci doar detasat de
orice grija, sa rostesti cu calm: " Iau decizii bune ". Fara sa
te gandesti care decizie anume.
Intareste doar mintea cu incredere in sine, prin propozitia: "
Iau decizii bune ". Repet-o mai multe seri la rand. Deciziile
care vor urma cu siguranta vor fi inspirate, in acord cu
trebuintele reale ale fiintei tale.
Daca vrei sa imbunatatesti o trasatura de personalitate
(vointa, eficienta, stapanire de sine, claritate mentala ),
formuleaza sugestii simple, scurte, directe, totdeauna la
timpul prezent. Subconstientul nu cunoaste alte timpuri.
Pastreaza o singura sugestie, o singura fraza - program - si
nu o schimba 21 de zile. Ca program universal de
recuperare a conditiei naturale puternice, repeta propozitia :
" Sunt calm, sunt cu desavarsire calm ".
Fa acest exercitiu 21 de seri la rand, ca rezultatul obtinut sa
se fixeze si sa devina o achizitie permanenta.
Pe aceeasi cale poti introduce in inconstient un program
privind scopurile tale imediate sau sugestii privind
dinamica fiintei si contextul evolutiei tale, sugestii precum:
" Eu iau decizii bune ", " Am claritate mentala ", " Am
stapanire de sine ".
Pentru o sugestie, oprogramul este elaborat cu atentie la
indicativ prezent ( inconstientul nu cunoaste alt timp sau
mod verbal ), si tinand cont de logica paradoxala a
psihicului abisal.
Astfel, pentru a contracara o afectiune contagioasa,
elaborezi un program care sa corecteze mentalitatea "
statistica " a omului: contagiunea este consecinta unei
mentalitati statistice.
Sunt doua cai de a avea acces la inconstient. Una din
exterior, de programare in alfa. Alta din interior, lasand
inconstientul sa se rosteasca singur : prin suspendarea
temporara a activitatii corticale si prin crearea starii de
liniste. Dar asta este o experienta, nu se poate povesti.
Sugestii practice
Gandirea pozitiva si comportamentul de
reusita
Parabola fratilor pacatosi. Doi frati au faptuit aceeasi
greseala, cazand prada instinctelor. " Biruiti de pofta
cuerviei ", zice Patericul roman. Ei au primit, apoi aceeasi
pedeapsa de indreptare : un an de recluziune.
Au fost inchisi in celule diferite. Au primit mancare cat sa
traiasca, paine si apa, amandoi intocmai.
Dupa un an, fratii au fost eliberati.
Unul din ei arata " galben la fata si uscat ca chipul mortului
", iar celalalt era vesel si rumen la fata " ca si cum ar fi fost
la o mare desfatare ".
Ei au fost intrebati cum au petrecut anul recluziunii, caci
toti voiau sa afle de ce arata diferiti !
Cel care a iesit slab si galbejit a raspuns ca a rumegat
ganduri amare, nu-i iesea din minte ca a gresit, il chinuia
culpa, il obseda trecutul, il chinuia frica. Este un caz de "
gandire negativa ".
Cel care a iesit cu chipul rumen si luminos a spus ca in
toata perioada recluziunii I-a multumit lui Dumnezeu ca i-a
aratat lumina salvarii. Nu s-a gandit nici la esecul lui, nici
ca este pacatos, nici la ceturile trecutului. A trait orice gand
apasator, prin repetarea rugaciunii mintii in inima ( oratio
mentis ). A stopat orice amintire traumatizanta. A stat
mereu cu mintea indreptata spre divinitate si, de aici, au
rezultat puterea si regenerarea.
Cine aprofundeaza sensul acestei intamplari are cheia
gandirii pozitive.
Schimbarea filtrului afectiv.
Exista persoane care au tendinta sa selecteze din viata
emotii negative, vad viata in negru. Ele au pierdut memoria
binelui. Au numai memoria caderii.
Raul de care iti tot aduci aminte este un rau triplat. Aceste
persoane spun mereu: " Am numai ghinioane, am numai
necazuri. Tot ce-i rau pe lume mi se intampla numai mie.
Altora le merge bine, desi nu merita. Eu merit si nu am
nimic. Mi se scarbeste de viata". Asa spun aceste persoane.
Jeluirea este un mod de a fura energie de la altul. Cei care
se folosesc practica un fel de vampirism energetic, adesea
inconstient, fura energie, dar nu ca sa se intareasca, ci ca sa
o risipeasca.
In acest caz este necesara " schimbarea filtrelor negative ",
mutatia fandului de la minus la plus, de la negativ la
pozitiv.
Schimbarea atitudinii mentale. Asa incepe purificarea de
negativitate.
Cum sa cauti partea buna a contextelor tale?. Prin gandirea
pozitiva nu afirma ca raul exista, ci afirma ca tu esti tare in
fata raului.
Gandirea pozitiva nu spune ca lumea este perfecta, ci spune
ca putem fi tari in fata imperfectiunii lumii.
9 Reguli pentru intarirea gandirii pozitive.
1. Inlocuieste semnul minus cu semnul plus. Inlocuieste-l
pe " nu pot " prin " pot ". La sfarsitul zilei, in loc sa spui "
sunt obosit ", spune: " trupul meu are nevoie naturala de
refacere si simte bucuria acestei refaceri ". In loc de " sunt
sfarsit ", spune " urmeaza un nou inceput ".
2. Evita in fata altora, propozitii care contin programari
negative. Nu-i intimpina pe prieteni cu vorbe negative, de
tipul: " Vai, ce rau arati ", ci distinge, la oricine, trasatura
lui pozitiva, motivul sau aspectul in care acela ar putea
excela. Pe acela subliniaza-l.
3. Intareste-ti energetismul, caci gandirea negativa si
depresia tin de un dificit energetic. Agresivitatea, tine si ea,
de un deficit energetic, ca si nesiguranta si spaima de esec.
Orice intarire a energetismului sporeste pozitivitatea
gandirii. Si orice pozitivare a gandirii sporeste
energetismul. Este ceea ce numim cerc vicios ( si el rezulta
din …purificarea cercului vicios ).
4. Ridica pragul de toleranta la frustare. Aceasta presupune
un antrenamemnt sau o terapie contra " mal-sevraj " -ului (
termen provenit din limba franceza, avand sensul de rauintarcat
). Se pare ca majoritatea oamenilor au fost " rau
intarcati " de mame; de aici provin carentele de adaptare la
real.
5. Controleaza-ti cele 1000 de trebuinte si incearca sa le
restrangi. Cere mult de la viata, stiind sa te multumesti cu
cat vine si continuand sa ceri mult de la viata.
6. Evita comparatiile care iti starnesc invidia. Evita
comparatiile (cu semeni mai mult sau mai putin ilustri, cu
semeni care sunt, mai mult sau mai putin, vedete ) care te
deranjeaza, care te deprima. Fa numai acele comparatii din
care sa vezi clar avantajele tale pe lumea asta.
7. Inlocuieste cuvantul " superior " ( care intretine
rivalitate, stratificari, trufie, slava desarta ) prin cuvantul "
autentic ".
8. Intareste-ti psihologia de invingator sau mentalitatea de
invingator. Multumire ferma, stabilitate emotionala, liniste
launtrica, staruinta. Nu te mahni ca poti pierde batalii de
etapa : cea finala conteaza. Aminteste-ti aforismul acesta: "
Reusita in viata este o parere. Dar o parere transformata in
hotarire ". Mai aminteste-ti si aforismul urmator: " Orice
castig este un DAR, orice pierdere este o restituire ".
9. Formuleaza-ti o tinta de etapa ( pozitiva si pragmatica),
dar o tinta de existenta ( pontifical inalta ): realizarea
personalitatii, implinirea spirituala. Treptat da prioritate
tintei de existenta.
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