Should I commit to a man? Or to my job?
Marriage, Dating, Relationships, Love, Single, Tips & Advice, My career, Commitment
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In the early stages of a young adult’s life, a person will commit to relationships without having the big picture in mind. They’ll take chances on numerous relationships not because they see this person as marriage potential, but more so because they “like” the person that he/she portrays themselves to be and want to experience more of them, and/or because they are desperate for companionship and simply don’t want to be alone. There are rules to relationships, and proven studies show that having standards and setting requirements will in fact make a woman more desirable to a man who is looking for a serious relationship. When you have a woman who is at this place in her life, and you match her with a man who is mature enough to appreciate a woman of this caliber, it’s a match made in heaven, and the potential to grow with one another is far greater than anything that comes easy.
The men who want sex fast & easy will look at your standards and requirements as a turn off, or accuse you of being extremely picky, etc. If this happens, that means your plan is working like a charm. You’re weeding out the men who are not interested in having a serious committed relationship, while allowing yourself to still be open and available to the men who are. The men who are looking to settle down and be in a serious monogamous relationship are the ones you should be marketing to. Being single is what you do when you’re trying to find/establish yourself, and/or you haven’t yet found someone who’s met your standards/requirements. There are millions of men in this world, and you only need “one”. Your days of being single will come to an end when that one man sees the value in being with a woman who knows her worth, is exclusive, and has the potential to add value to his life.
If you are focused on your goals, stay focused on your goals, as a relationship will bring you closer to him, and take you further and further away from your goals. Once you feel you are ready to get back on the dating scene, put yourself out there where your type of man can find you. Date multiple men at one time so that you don’t find yourself settling on just “one” option. By dating multiple men, you expose yourself to individuals who may have similar credentials, but are distinguished by their personality, morals, values, and principles that they live by. Keep your options open and settle on the one who adds the most value to your life.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
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Cheating, Dating, Lies, Love, Marriage, Relationships, Tips & Advice
When a person “locks” something, that means that that something has value (to them) and is worth protecting from everyone else. While single, a person will independently hold the key(s) to any and all locks, even the key to their heart. Once they decide to commit themselves in a relationship, they are then making a conscious decision to “share” their world. At this point, the doors of their hearts and everywhere else “should be” wide open… making them completely vulnerable to you. By them opening the doors “themselves” (without them being forced open), there’s no need for keys, because their actions insist that they have nothing to hide.
These doors are doors of “trust”… doors of “vulnerability” and in a relationship, they should never be locked. The purpose behind opening these doors isn’t to give your significant other access to and power over your personal/private life. When doors aren’t locked, and access is permitted, you are letting your partner know that if they choose to… they are “welcome” to walk in and out of doors on their own (as they please/when they please). By you readily and willingly opening the doors of your heart and everywhere else, your significant other will then feel a sense of trust/comfort. If you do so on your own accord, and your partner is true to the relationship, they will have no desire (at all) to look for anything hidden.
By denying your significant other access to certain things, you blatantly express to them that a) You are not willing to share everything with your partner b) Whatever it is you are protecting is more important than your significant other’s comfort and trust in you. c) Both A & B. If your significant other refuses to open any doors to their world, then you simply close the door on them.
There are exceptions to this rule: (i.e. If you have a lock on your phone for the sake of denying your children access, and you give your partner the code, this is equivalent to not having a lock on your phone at all and can be excused.)
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Men and women handle issues differently in relationships, and it’s O-K…
Men are built differently than women and over the years we’ve grown accustomed to handling things much more well… “differently”. Granted there are instances where a man simply does not care, and in that situation, you have to ask yourself “What am I doing in a relationship with a man who doesn’t care about me or my feelings?” It’s ok for men and woman to be different, that’s what makes being together all the more special! You share your differences and introduce one another to different perspectives on life. One of the best ways to grow is from learning.
If you’re getting information that you’ve already learned from a source, you’re not learning anything new from that source, thus stunting your own growth with that source. On the other hand, if you associate yourself with someone who has a mind of their own, different opinions, different outlooks, different perspectives, you open yourself up to new enlightenment, and new ideas. What you do with the information is up to you, but you’ll at least have more to work with than what you yourself have brought to the table. So different ways of handling things, different ideas, different perspectives are great for growth.
This is why guys can’t hang out with guys all the time. And girls can’t hang out with girls all the time. Over time, you will inevitably want to be exposed to something “different”. And it’s great to have that balance in your life, because too much of one thing is never a good thing. When men are faced with problems, the first priority is to “fix it”. Dwelling on the issue is not something men like to do. A man wants and needs “peace” in the household, so when there’s turmoil, he does what he needs to do and says what he needs to say so that there can be peace amongst the two of you as quickly and effectively as possible.
Once the problem is fixed, it no longer matters (to him) how it happened. You can’t change the past, but you can look forward to the future. The end justifies the means. Men care more about fixing the problem, than the actual problem, whereas a woman needs to express her thoughts and feelings on the problem itself. With women, talking about the problem itself could last for hours, days, weeks, months, and even years, but as mentioned earlier, men want and need “peace” in the household, so he doesn’t want to go another “minute” without fixing whatever the problem is. This is the man who actually wants to be with you and continue to have a long lasting relationship with you.
The man who does nothing to immediately fix the problem or doesn’t want to address/runs from the problem is the one who doesn’t care. Cut your losses and get rid of him ;)
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“Men can dish it, but can’t handle being cheated on…”
“Cheating” (once discovered) is a topic that should be discussed as you “exit” that relationship. It’s an act of dishonesty and lack of respect for the relationship. A potentially successful relationship has to have a strong foundation. I have what I like to call The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (According to AskCheyB) These 7 habits are Respect, Love, Trust, Honesty, Loyalty, Support, and Communication. If you’re missing any one of these 7 habits, your relationship will be short lived.
If a man or a woman in a relationship cheats, it’s then time to terminate the “contract” officially, as they have already made a decision to terminate the relationship when they cheated. This person has exhibited behavior that is not acceptable, and now that you’ve concluded that your partner is not loyal/trustworthy, and does not respect himself, you, or the relationship, there is no sense in putting forth more of your time, energy, and effort into this person because he/she has already decided what is a priority to them. And that priority is “themselves”.
One of the biggest issues we face when we’re “in love” is, we forgive our partners when their words say “I love you”, but their actions show the opposite. You have to have the fortitude to let that person go when they breech the contract and not give them an opportunity to negotiate.
Men expect a woman to “get over it” because for most if not all of their lives, they themselves have been the abusers, and have no idea what it feels like to have a broken heart. So they seek pity when a woman beats him at his own game. When it’s him doing the dirt, he could care less what condition her heart is in because he’s too busy thinking about himself. If he’s cheating on you, you are officially crowned his “convenience”. You are not the love of his life! And when you’re a man’s convenience, he cares about “the convenience”, and not “you”. So ladies know what position you play in a man’s life.
“Winners” hearts are “destroyed” when they lose. If you’re dealing with a man who doesn’t do right by you… have no pity. Him being destroyed is his Karma.
After you’ve established yourself as a cheater, you have to remove yourself from that situation because if you stay, your partner will inevitably seek revenge or never whole-heartedly forgive you for being unfaithful. The both of you will constantly be at battle trying to hurt one another. Learn from this experience and work on being the best person you can be so that you can attract the best person. The next time around, stay true to yourself, and your partner.
Tip: Only if you are married or have a child with a partner who has cheated would I recommend fighting for the relationship. For all other instances, enjoy the memories, learn from this experience, and move onto bigger and better things. There are millions of men and women in this world. You only need “one”.
Good luck
Life & Relationship Coach
AskCheyB
You’re a lady. Let the man should ask “you” out. Not the other way around…
It’s definitely a great idea to have multiple available options when you’re dating. A woman asking a man out on a date though has it’s pros and cons. A pro would be that a man will more than likely say “yes” if you asked him out on a date. A con would be that although he said “yes” and entertained you on a date, he will not value you enough to take you seriously long-term, no matter how well the date went. The reason for this is his motivation to take you out on a date was not inspired by his own genuine interest. In other words, “You were too easy”.
When a man asks a woman out however, he’s already established that he’s interested and that she’s worth spending time, energy, and money on. He also has a budget laid out just for their special evening out. If/when a woman asks the man out, she puts him in a compromising position… sort of obligating him to spend time, energy, and money on her. There are certain things that will prevent a man from asking a woman out, so if/when a man is finally ready to entertain a woman on the dating scene, it has to be on his terms.
A few of those reasons are:
*He’s not emotionally available
*He’s currently involved with someone
*He can’t afford to take you out
*He doesn’t feel you are worth taking out
*He’s only interested in sex (with you)
When you allow a man to take the initiative and ask you out, you put yourself in a better position to measure his level of interest in you and also test his character. When it’s “his” idea, he then becomes obligated to plan the entire night out (i.e. researching and choosing a place for yall to go based on everything you’ve told him about yourself, he’ll be more than happy to spend money on your date because he’ll be the one choosing a place that fits within his budget, and by showing this initiative, it becomes evident that he feels your worth it, and that he values you for more than just sex, and by him putting forth all this time, energy, and effort, he had better be single, otherwise once the truth comes to light, he’ll have wasted his time, energy, effort, and money, not to mention he’ll have lost your trust.
The purpose of dating is to have fun with individuals you might be potentially interested in growing with. Although it may still be “fun” to go out on a date with a man you’ve just thrown yourself at, it probably won’t bring you any closer to finding the man you’d be able to grow with do to the average male’s psychological conditioning. A more effective approach would be to signal the guy you’re interested in by giving him “The Look” and then allowing “him” to take full initiative.
By taking this approach, you know for sure whether or not he’s interested in you. If he’s not interested, he won’t approach. If he’s shy and timid, he won’t approach. But if he’s confident, has high esteem, and is emotionally available, he will approach. <<< And that’s the guy you want. Shy and timid won’t come in handy later on down the line when you’re faced with real life issues and you need a real man to step in and take charge so don’t pity him. After approaching you, exchanging info, etc he will figure out what he needs to do next if he wants to see you again. Meanwhile, you’re sitting back, relaxing, and enjoying being a woman while the man does all the vigorous work.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“20 Steps To Building A Long Lasting Relationship With The Man You Want”
Step 1: Self-evaluation, how do you feel about the person you are inside and out? You have to love yourself before you love someone else.
Step 2: Presentation, always present yourself as the person you want people to know and remember you as. Men evaluate you 1st based on sight.
Step 3: The Introduction, remember you’re a lady. Maintain control. Just give him “the look” & he will come right over & initiate convo.
Step 4: Friendship, there will be plenty of time for sex, but if you want a future with this person, 1st find out if you even “like him”.
Step 5: Dating, date multiple people at one time, keep your options open. This way you won’t find yourself settling for that 1 mediocre guy
Step 6: Sex, friendship doesn’t come with benefits. Benefits come with a commitment. If he wants sex, your relationship has to be exclusive
Step 7: Commitment, you’ve dated, you’ve bonded, you have a great friendship & you want to spend more time w/one another. Make it official
Step 8: The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships (according to AskCheyB) Respect,Love,Trust,Support,Loyalty,Honesty & Communication
Step 9: Consistency, everything you brought to the table in the beginning must not only remain, but also get better. Never stop competing.
Step 10: Share your world,introduce your partner to any/everyone who is important in your life.This shows him that you want him to be in it.
Step 11: Space, allow each other just enough room to breathe, but not enough room to leave. Give yourselves opportunity to miss one another.
Step 12: Growth, if you want to grow as a couple, it’s important that you do things “as a couple”. Not all the time, but most of the time.
#Step 13: Secrets, if you can’t be open and honest with your partner, you are not ready for a relationship. Stay single until you are.
#Step 14: Male friends, straight males are not your friends.They are interested in sex & they pose a threat. To keep peace, dismiss them all.
Step 15: Single friends, you’re in a relationship now. Your friends will invite you out to share their world. Invite them in to share yours.
Step 16: Engagement, A man knows from the very beginning whether he wants to marry you or not. Expect a proposal “no later” than year 2.
Step 17: Make wedding Plans! Work together to plan a wedding within a years time. Involve both parties family & friends
Step 18: The wedding! After 3-4 yrs of following the rules of relationships,you allow yourself time to be sure about marriage w/this person
Step 19: Move in together, this is where you’ll learn “new” things about your partner that you weren’t exposed to during the relationship.
Step 20: Relationship Turmoil, Remember all the steps you took to get to where you are, and know that your marriage is worth fighting for.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
“This guy I like is friends with a man I’ve slept with in the past
Finding someone who’s pure and untouched in this day and age is possible, but rare. On average, we expect our significant other to have some kind of history, but even still we don’t want to knowingly be associated with the men from your past no matter how long ago it was. One of the aspects that go into choosing a girlfriend or wife is the idea of being with someone who is “exclusive” (meaning none of the men we know have had you or can have you). There’s also a code of honor amongst men, and that code is you don’t commit to a woman that one of your friends or relatives used to be sexually involved with. It’s a conflict of interest.
There are millions of women in the world, and the last thing a man would want to do is settle on a woman who one of his close friends has the drop on. He wants his friends to have respect for the woman he’s with, and he also wants the assurance of knowing that any men who are in his circle of friends has never had the privilege of seeing his woman naked. Yes, it’s a matter of pride! After all, you do want to be proud of the woman you’re with.
Models, strippers, and porn stars for example will have a hard time finding true love because all of the men in the world have already been exposed to their bodies and there’s no sense of exclusivity (in the eyes of the man who’s in pursuit of a serious relationship with them). The men who entertain models, strippers, and porn stars will either exploit them further (like a pimp), or they’ll drive themselves crazy trying to turn a woman who makes a living off of exploiting herself into a woman who gets her attention primarily from him. And if he doesn’t drive himself crazy, he’ll drive “you” crazy with his overprotection, jealousy, and insecurity due to the nature of your career choice.
A man who’s interested in having a future with you will protect your honor, but only if you’re doing the same for yourself. Most men associate closely with other men who reflect who “they” are as a person, so naturally, they’ll have similar taste in women, and similar ways that they treat women. Knowing that you’ve entertained his friend is enough detail for him to imagine the type of relationship the two of you might’ve had. Once he gets wind of you two being intimate, these thoughts will constantly be in the forefront of his mind and he won’t be able to get over it.
It’s easy for a man to choose a woman to sleep with, all he has to do is look for the woman who matches his physical taste. When it comes to choosing a girlfriend or a wife however, he looks for a woman with his heart opened and his eyes closed. This means that your personality & your character are on the forefront and your physical beauty becomes an added bonus. It’s up to you as a responsible adult to make the judgment call, since you are the one who’s aware of these two men being friends with each other. He will evaluate you and your character based on the way you handle it.
If you honestly and truly want to be in a happy, loving, long lasting relationship, you will choose another man. There are too many negatives to consider with this particular guy, and frankly it’s not worth the trouble. It’s only been one date, you’re not yet too emotionally attached, there’s no kids involved, and the two of you are not married, so walk away while you can and explore other more promising options.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Although birth and sex are typically a woman’s most valued treasures, a woman’s mind is the most invaluable possession a woman has. Her ability to use her mind to maintain control over men and situations are simply amazing, but only if/when she realizes the gift that she has, and uses it to remain in control. You have more to fear from dealing with a man who wants access to your mind than with your body. A man who wants access to your body is clearly seeking physical pleasure. A man who wants access to your mind is after more! How much more is totally ambiguous.
Even if a man doesn’t value your body for what it’s truly worth, then as a woman “you” should. A man can’t get inside of you unless you let him, so if you’re going to allow a man to come into your personal space and be intimate with you, then it should be with a man you love, trust, and respect and who reciprocates these same things. When you involve yourself with a man who loves you, you trust him, and he respects you, you won’t have to worry about him abandoning you when things don’t go perfectly, because if he loves & respects you, it’s evident that it’s not in his character to do so.
You also won’t have to worry about the sex being bad, because the sex you have “together” will be based on the things you’ve grown to like “with each other”. It’s “exclusive” and incomparable to any other experience. You’ll love the way he kisses you, the way he touches you, the way he makes love to you, and you’ll have an appreciation for the way “he” romances you. And if there’s anything that you don’t like about the sexual experience you’re having together, you can talk to each other about it and challenge one another to make your sexual experience with one another better.
This is the consideration that one has for the person they love, trust, and respect. Love, trust, and respect isn’t developed over night and it’s not handed out to every Tom, Dick, and Harry. Trust and respect is earned and when it is earned, love is given! And just as trust, and respect is earned, the privilege of having sex with you should be earned as well. If you don’t set any standards or make any requirements for a man to meet prior to having sex with you, a man will sleep with you and totally disregard you and your feelings because whether you realize it or not, he has lost all respect for you. He’s already reached the ultimate form of pleasure with you and has no reason to return unless he wants more sex with no strings.
Life is about building relationships and leaving behind legacies. When you give your body to a man who hasn’t earned that privilege, you leave behind a legacy of being someone whose fast, easy, and doesn’t respect herself. As a woman, you should never want to be remembered by anybody in this world in that light. You have a future ahead of you and you don’t want your past to come back and haunt you. Always carry yourself with dignity and respect, place value on your body and only give yourself to a man who is deserving of it.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
A person cheats because it’s in their heart to do so. Cheating begins in your heart, not in your pants. The heart of a cheater is formed by a multitude of things that go far beyond any one person’s reach. It’s deep rooted inside of them way back from early childhood. If/when a man stops cheating, it will be because he is tired of doing what he’s always been doing and getting what he’s always got. He is now learned from his experience, and has grown/matured into a man who is ready to either be single, or commit himself to a serious monogamous relationship.
If it’s in a person’s heart to cheat, then it’s totally out of your hands. There is nothing you can do to make a cheater start or stop cheating. Cheating is an act of personal choice and is embedded in a person’s character based on their upbringing, their male influences, and the morals, values, and principles they live by. If you sense signs of your significant other being a cheater, remove yourself from that relationship. By leaving, you make him aware that you’re aware of his lifestyle and that you are not going to tolerate it. He will realize what he’s lost and either continue to play the field as a single bachelor, try and play the next woman with his games, or grow up and act like a responsible adult for the next woman he encounters. But “you” be sure not to give him any second chances.
If after seeing signs of your significant other’s infidelity from a recent relationship or through you, you still entertain him, you are asking for a double dose of heartache and pain. When a person shows you who they are, believe them! Do not hope to find something in them other than the person they’ve already shown you up front. That is a fool’s game.
You may be a wonderful woman with great qualities, but those great qualities that you possess are only enough to make a cheater “entertain” you. It won’t be enough to make him “not” entertain other women. By you being the best woman you can be for this man, you will only slow his cheating down, but that won’t eliminate his urges to cheat completely. Being monogamous is a decision he has to come to on his own because once those urges come back up, you will find yourself falling victim to the very things he showed you he was capable of doing.
The only defense to this is knowing where his heart is, what principles he lives by, and what morals and values he has (if any). Get to know your partner, dig deep into his past, talk to him about his past relationships, his relationship with his parents, friends, and male influences. The for information you have about him, the better you can protect yourself.
Yes! Never allow your man to get too comfortable or to get set in a routine. Keep him on his toes for LIFE, but stay true! He’ll be so concerned with “your” next move, that he won’t be as interested or able to focus on making moves of his own (w/ another woman). Instead, he’ll dedicate his life trying to conquer you. He’ll be under your spell.
Life & Relationship Coach
-AskCheyB
Naturally, you are free to do whatever it is you want to do. But… there will be two totally different outcomes if you a) Approach a man you’re interested in or b) Be patient and wait for the man you’re interested in to come to you.
Men are HUNTERS!!! They like to chase, they like to conquer, and they like to be “challenged”. It’s actually FUN for him to build up the courage to go and speak to a woman in intimidating situations; not knowing whether or not he has a chance. It’s fun being turned down because (for him) this is all a game and it’s a “learning” experience. He will not be heart broken because he got turned down. He will be disappointed (at most), but he will live, and he will use his brain to evaluate what just happened, and then challenge “himself” to figure out a better way to approach you the next time, or to approach a different woman from a different angle. Whether or not he is successful in his approach with a woman, he still needs to be the aggressor & the initiator in order for it to be fun/interesting/exciting (for him).
When the man is approaching the woman, he’s not yet sure how interested you are in him (if you’re even interested at all). And that is the exciting part!!! That is the intriguing part!!! The “mystery”!!! <<< This is what’s going to motivate him to try and figure you out and get to know you better… the fact that your feelings towards him are partially ambiguous. <<<< Partially ambiguous by no means insists that the woman is “not interested”. All you’re doing (as the woman) is downplaying your interest in him so that he’ll be motivated to go harder to bring that interest out of you.
If/when you’re in the mood to start dating, you should have multiple options, so when a man approaches you, your energy should naturally portray that “this” (men approaching you) is something that you’re used to. So no matter how interested you are in that man, try not to give off this “I’m super interested” vibe. You can tell your girlfriends just how super interested you are in him as soon as he leaves or walks away. But don’t let the guy who’s approaching you know (through your energy) that you are ready/willing/available/too interested in him because once he knows for sure, he will take you for granted.
You’ve got to keep this new stranger on his toes and wondering “Is she interested? Is she not interested? I can’t tell, but I certainly want to talk to her more and find out.” In fact, this is something you should do throughout your entire relationship/marriage. Keep things somewhat “ambiguous”. But with your ambiguity, keep things “honest”. Once you get into a routine, you get bored! Once you get bored, you look for excitement! <<< Sometimes people look for excitement from their partner… and others (unfortunately) outsource :/ So keep things somewhat ambiguous in your relationship and try not to get set in a routine.
Example: You know you want to have sex with your husband… but instead you roll over, close your eyes, and pretend you’re sleeping. He then is motivated to try and take on the challenge of waking you up for sex. In his mind… you’re sleeping. In your mind, you’re challenging him to be the aggressor!! This is equivalent to a woman giving a man “The look” (so to speak) so that he will be the aggressor, take charge, and go in for the kill. He gets the sex he was longing for. And you get the sex you were longing for (that he didn’t know you were longing for). And all you had to do was lay there. <<< See how this works?
Here we talk about “The look”:
Women are the most powerful creatures on this earth, and it’s important that you understand the power you possess, and use your powers to make the world revolve around you. Back in the olden days, a woman would simply drop her handkerchief to the floor and the men would rush to her side for the opportunity to pick it up and whoo her. Times have changed, but those same principles still apply. Leave approaching men to the impatient and the desperate.
If you’re interested in a man, all you have to do is give him “the look”. “The look” is your way of letting him no that you’re approachable and potentially interested in him. The look isn’t a direct approach, it’s simply a signal to get his attention. After you have his attention, “he” needs to come over to “you”, introduce himself, and find out what that look was about. If he doesn’t take the bait… meaning he doesn’t make a move when you give him “the look”, then that means there is something stopping him from making a move. Don’t lose hope yet! There could be a multitude of reasons why he didn’t approach you at that moment.
Here are a few examples of why a man might not approach you (even if you give him the look): He could be married or in a relationship, someone he knows who also knows his significant other could be present, he could be involved with someone or he escorted someone who is actually there at the venue (just not currently by his side and he doesn’t want to be rude), he could be shy and is not used to approaching women, he could be gay, or at worst, he could simply not be interested in you! No matter what his reasoning for not approaching you is, you have to accept the fact that he did not choose to entertain you… and you have to learn how to take a loss!
You might see him again at another event and he might be single… he might come alone… he might not want to miss another opportunity to approach you. So if/when you see him again, you give him that same “look”. By giving him that look (again) it will seem a little bit more evident that you at least want him to come over and talk to you (if nothing else).
If during the first encounter you are so impatient that you can’t stand the fact of this guy not making a move and you decide to make a move first, here is what’s going to happen. First, If he’s not interested in you, you run the risk of embarrassing yourself in front of this man that you really like because for one… you’re a woman approaching a man (which is foreign to him), and two, he’s not interested in you!!! What’s worst is you’ll still have to be in his presence until you decide to leave the venue (which will be very awkward for you). SPARE yourself!!!! By approaching a man, you eliminate any and all ambiguity! Now it’s crystal clear (for him) that you are in fact interested in him.
He no longer has to hunt because his prey came right to him!!! The fun is gone! The chase is over! The game is over!!! So now, he’s got you right where he wants you. He knows that “you” are interested/ready/available whenever he calls, so “you” are that one girl he doesn’t have to put forth much time/energy/effort with. He can just call you when he’s bored or when all of his more difficult options fell through because he knows that you’re interested in him. He knows you will be there just waiting for him to reach out to you. Just watch him after you’re done approaching him. He’s going to be sweeping the crowd looking for a “challenge” (because you certainly are not it).
When you approach a man that you’re romantically interested in, that shows him that you want to be the leader, and that you want to be in control. But a man wants to be in a relationship with a woman where “he” can be the leader and “he” can be in control, so you’re immediately disqualifying yourself from being considered as a candidate for a relationship with that particular guy. Being approached by a woman is only flattering to the guy who doesn’t have many options. A man who has a lot going for himself on the inside and out is used to dealing with quality women, and he’s aware that quality women don’t come easy, so if you’ve come easy, he’s going to immediately think that there’s something a little bit off about you.
Do not for one second think that because you are drop dead gorgeous that this man will be impressed by “you” approaching “him”. No No No No No!!!! You approaching him does nothing but boost his male ego. You approaching him is gonna have him thinking, “DAMN!!! I’m THAT fly????? WOW!!!!” And he’s also going to think that you are desperate… impatient… lonely… and are dying to get a man in your life. <<< With these thoughts in mind, you will be the very last person he will consider for a relationship. At most, he will only consider you for friendship with benefits… All because of the way you presented yourself.
Celebrities call women who approach them “groupies”! And for the average male, a woman approaching him will have that same effect. You will be the equivalent of a groupie! And he will not respect you!
Then there’s another type of guy. The nerd, the geek, the older gentlemen, the jobless man, the one with no swag, the one with no goals/aspirations, the one who has absolutely nothing going for himself. <<< Oh he would LOVE to be approached by a woman. But guess what??? <<<< That’s not the man you want and you know it! So if you want a man who actually has the job, the swag, the looks, the character, the intellect, etc that you want/like… work on giving him “the look” and do not go for the kill by approaching him. He will write you off like it’s tax season.
Enjoy being a woman!!! Men live for this!!! You by no means have to be the aggressor. All you have to do is give a guy “the look”. Sit back… relax… and let the men come to you. You approaching a man is nothing more than you not having confidence in yourself, you not being patient, and you not being willing to take a loss. <<< These are things you need to work on within yourself!
Life & Relationship Coach
